My mother has given me many "pearls of wisdom" in my short life, but my favorite comes from her experiences of fund raising and event planning. "Whatever happens, it was planned." I always had trouble accepting that, until I began to do my own tasks that quickly became more than what was within my control. Now I am facing a new truth, a new decision, a new life. What will I do with myself when I get home? That is the ultimate question, the ultimate choice still left to me. Part of me is scared out of my mind, but the other part is truly excited. There is a new adventure ahead of me. Trying to decide what I will do is a constant thought in the back of my mind, but actually, I am just as concerned about who I will be. I know I will not be the Mattie who left Seattle, her family, friends, job and life. And when I go back I will not be the Mattie who I have been the last year here in Switzerland. I have found a new side of myself, but it is one that cannot stay visible back home. At least not the same way. I go out here, have a base of friends, I go places, see things, take a good amount of time for myself but also serve and support others. I know myself and to keep this pattern will be difficult, if not impossible to maintain when I'm back home. I will find friends I'm sure, I will find a place to fit in, but as all things in life it will not be as expected. That's why I am doing my best to maintain the understanding, knowledge, hope and wish that "whatever happens, it was planned."
I have some exciting things to go home to, as I said, I'll be arriving just in time for Christmas, I'll get to celebrate my first New Year's legally drinking in the States (although not sure I'll go out). I'll be 22 shortly after that. I'll be an aunt (any second now if that damned baby would get his/her act together!) Hopefully I'll get the chance to see him/her soon. And I'll be looking for a job, looking for a car, looking for a life. There is so much to take into account, so many things to do, plan, prepare for, and yet nothing can be certain. I am looking forward to trying it out though.
I think I will find something new. I know I will find happiness. Things will happen, and I guess I will pretend that whatever it is, it was planned.
And I will be accepting help. So if any of my lovely fans, friends and family has some ideas, if you know of a cheap, automatic car for sale, or anyone needing a very experienced babysitter (gotta make some money when I first get back), or a real job (yeah, I know, I said it) or anything that might come in handy I'll be accepting your help, support and ideas.
See all you Washingtonians soon (38 days!!!), and other USA friends in not too much time, and European friends, this will NOT be goodbye. I promise.
Love you all. xoxox
I was just thinking the other day about myself in terms of swiss and US life. It's odd how quickly you can transition. There are things you did there- like saying Bon App before meals that seemed so natural in Swiss.. that I would never do now. I came home to a much different situation. But in many ways I envy the freedom you have. Take with you what you have learned from your time there- but keep your head looking forward. I know too many people who spend their days longing for what we had there that they refuse to see the opportunities in front of them.
ReplyDeleteBreathe! Take in the Alps and don't worry about home until you are here!