Luasanne

Well, Lausanne didn't work out so well. I did go, but when I got there I got completely confused and lost. Well, not lost. I didn't get out of the car. Just drove around but I didn't know where I should go to park and where the Olympic museum was so after getting drastically turned around I managed to find the main road that goes between Lausanne & Geneva and I just got back on it and headed for home. I know I should have tried harder, but I really had no idea where I was and where I should be going. I'm not good about exploring on my own, especially when I'm driving a very nice car and not exactly 100% sure of the rules of the road. I mean, most is pretty straight forward but there are some weirdnesses about some of the signage, etc. Anyway, instead of totally giving up and just going home to watch TV or mess around on the computer I did get some culture. I went to the Musée du Léman (http://www.museeduleman.ch/) which was quite interesting, although mostly in French. But it was good none-the-less. And my ticket is good to visit the other two museums in Nyon as well - the Château Musée historique (historial art museum) and the Basilique Musée romain (Roman Museum/architectural museum). And I have a year to visit both with my same entry fee. I wandered along the waterfront in Nyon a bit after the museum and tried to find this pub I've been told by several people I should go to - it's full of English speakers - which, although I shouldn't be thrilled about, it will help me meet people (and not sit around drinking alone like I did last night), however, I still haven't exactly located it. I think it will take me going out on a friday/saturday night and asking someone - "Où est le Fisherman's Pub, s'il vous plaît?" And hope I understand their directions. I know I was close I just couldn't find it and that drives me nuts. I never realized how bad I am at getting around and knowing where to go. I think a lot of it is because everything is so unfamiliar that I easily get turned around/lost but seriously, I don't ever remember being this bad with directions... probably because they're in French. *sigh* soon enough...

Speaking of last night though, it was fun, despite being alone I had a couple good beers, a croque monsieur and managed a 10-minute conversation in Franglais with a stranger. Go me! :D He, too said I should go to the Fisherman's Pub, so I'll take his advice, along with the advice of several others I've read/heard and try to go there.

I made perfect timing though, I just got home a few minutes ago and a storm broke! I'm really glad that I'm not still in Nyon or trying to drive home in this! It's intense. It was grey all day but then suddenly - bam! It's pouring like Seattle in November and the trees are blowing around a bit. I'm glad to be inside where it's dry & warm! :D

So, alas, my day off didn't turn out exactly as planned, but on the bright side I did a fair amount of driving and I'm getting more comfortable with roundabouts and Swiss drivers, and I also did go out on my own, didn't resort to sitting at home alone watching bootleg TV on my computer. So, again I say "go me!" and hope this feeling sticks.

Tomorrow night is the Au Pair club meeting in Nyon, which I am seriously hoping to attend. I would really like to meet some other au pairs and it's at an English speaking church so I know they won't be too crazy... Unless it's a crazy church like we have in the states... (this reminds me of the time I went to a youth group with some family friend in Portland and I scared them all with my liberal attitude and rainbow thigh-high socks...) But hopefully they'll be down-to-earth.

On top of everything else, I'm slightly ill. It might be turning into a sinus infection (green gunk in my nose & all) but it hasn't disabled me and getting to sleep in this morning really did help. I'm drinking a ton of tea these days too, hoping that helps with the whole "mal au gorge" thing (sore throat).

I miss you all & hope to have more positive things to report on soon. And hopefully, if I can get the nerve up and maybe take the train or be driven to Lausanne I'll make it to the Olympic Museum, because it looks really neat and I'd like to go.

One step at a time. Now, I better get my homework done before the kids return this evening and I have class tomorrow.

Love to you all,

Mattie

A link to Photos...

Weekend with Daniel's Family

Love you all!

Please let me know if this doesn't work! :)

Oh, so quiet...

Shh... hold on... I just need to soak in some of this quiet for a minute. The boys have just left and I am for the first time home alone overnight. *sigh* It's amazing. It's 5:30 and I'm not running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Instead I can sit quietly at my laptop and listen to the birds chirping outside and hear the trains in the distance. This is the part of my job that rules. :D

Daniel has taken Ben & Kiki to the mountains to go skiing and I am free to do my thing. It's almost magical. I have some big plans: sleeping in, doing the laundry, catching up on some reading and... I'll probably go out tonight to a pub. Yes, a pub. An Irish pub at that. In Gland, near the place where Kiki (the youngest) goes to school. It's actually in the bottom of the same building. I'm hoping to go and maybe, if I'm lucky meet some strangers and work on my french. :D

Tomorrow, after I sleep in I will have to work on laundry because I have 8 tons of it (in addition to the children's clothes, I also have their sheets to wash AND the laundry from the flat in the mountains which seems to have tripled over the last 24-hours). But after I get some of that done I'm hoping to venture into Lausanne, which is home to the Olympic Museum (really neat video here: http://www.olympic.org/en/content/The-Olympic-Museum/) and maybe practice some more French. We'll see.

Today, I had class - which went alright. It was the last day of the current quarter but it didn't seem like a finish - only that a few classmates will not continue come Thursday. But in terms of understanding I'm doing alright. I can write things relatively well, and read them alright but as I've said many many times before I truly believe my vocabulary is the probably. Part of it also seems to be that I have this grand desire to be able to communicate my exact feelings, thoughts and wishes in French, and much of the time those words come from the years of reading thesauruses and thinking about words that make me sound more... interesting. I mean, I started using the word plethora when I was 11... And that's a great example of a word I'd love to know/remember in French. Part of it, is that when I read a passage, I can pick out the words I struggle with and put them aside for later. I can't however do that when I'm in conversation. I'm sure there are some people who would be fine saying "oh, hold on a minute I need to look up what that means" but I'm one of those people who will either just say I don't know/don't understand or pretend I do and pray I remember it later. Then there's the spelling issue. Things are NOT spelled how they sound in French (something as an English speaker I am familiar with) but take the words fille and file - the first is pronounced "fee" the second "feel." the first means girl/daughter the second means line. One L and you've completely screwed up your sentence. And there are other weird instances such as that. I remarked to a classmate while walking out today that you think you know something, and then they throw in a new rule or change the meaning and you sit there going "quoi?" I know English isn't easy but I think that maybe it's the way I'm learning French that makes it, too, seem radically difficult. I wish I could go back in time and make my parents send me to a bilingual preschool. That's when we're supposed to learn a second language... when we learn the first!

But it's not all bad... at least I'm getting somewhere. I can write simple phrases in French, I just can't read, understand or speak it... C'est la vie. After class today I had a coffee with two of the girls in my class... we talked a little about our various struggles with adjusting to a new place and they gave me a few tips on getting adjusted. (Their main point was to actually go out... who'd of guessed! lol) But we all sympathized over the fact that its difficult to meet people, especially locals because as a foreigner you always feel on the outside of things. I often feel like a voyeur (as in observer not pervert) but hey guess what? That word derives from the FRENCH word voir meaning "to see" Ha! I can't escape it.

We'll see how venturing on my own tonight and tomorrow goes... maybe I'll wake up and magically be bilingual.

Photo blog coming next... Take care & know I'm thinking about all of you.

OH! And if you're in the Seattle area - you should go see Control Keys (Scot & Kyle's newest band) playing their first show tonight, Tuesday 23rd at the Funhouse in Seattle. It'll be a blast & I wish I could be there.

Love,

Swiss Miss Matticus

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

It's absolutely gorgeous right now & I'm trying to soak in a little sun before the madness continues. This weekend I went with Daniel and the kids to visit his parents. They live about an hour away near the Juga mountains. It was interesting to say the least. They don't speak english and they also don't speak only in French. It was a combination of French & German - which made it even harder for me to understand anything. It was nice though. We drove through the town of Fribourg which is really old. Built before the foundation of Switzerland (it was built in 1100-something). Most of it still intact, too. It was stunning. We went to visit the boy's great-grandmother who lives in assisted living in Fribourg. She's 90, and still walking, talking, knitting and smiling. It was nice to see the boys with their grandparents & great-grandma. It reminded me of trips to visit my GG when I was younger. Ben is out of school this week so I'm working a lot more than normal. And Solveig is in Brazil so it's just Daniel & I and the kids. They still aren't listening to me very well. And it gets worse when I don't understand what they're saying or they don't understand what I'm saying. (I'll post pictures soon)

I got pretty upset last night, frustrated that I haven't adjusted and done much. I really wish I knew what to do, where to go, etc. I've done a ton of babysitting, been a nanny and all, but there is something tremendously different when you live with them. There is no leaving. Even though I'm supposed to be free in the evenings I don't feel free because I'm at the house. Always busy always on duty to some degree or another. It's hard to catch my breath. I was going to go out for coffee with a classmate tomorrow after class but I'll have Ben with me so it will prove interesting. I don't know if it will work. I can only hope he behaves long enough for me to at least find out where to go on a Friday night. It's sort of ridiculous - I am so alone and scared to go out on my own. Even if I do go out, I have no idea how I would get around. I really feel lost. This Thursday there is supposed to be an Au Pair club meeting that I would like to go to but I don't know if I will be able to because Daniel had mentioned something about going out with a coworker. I've tried to contact the church where the meeting is held but there is no answer :( I really want to go though, I need to meet some other people in a similar situation. I feel its my only chance at any type of happiness.

I feel frustrated that I can't move forward. I feel stuck in this limbo of understanding and content. I want more, I want to explore and experience the world, but I have no ability to do so, either because of my own fears or because of my job. I like it here, don't get me wrong, but I just don't know what to do with it. I'm doing the same things I did in the states and not feeling any better about it. I wish I knew what to do....

I promise to write another time when I am feeling a little more positive and less distracted by children not listening to me (what 4 year old boy doesn't want to play outside on a beautiful day? Explain this please....)

Love to all of you.

Well... Merde.

Things are going well. For the most part. I am going to classes twice a week and understanding most of what is being taught, but it hasn't really improved my ability to communicate with the outside world. I am starting to feel more and more comfortable here, but really haven't broken out of my shell.

I did make plans to go out for a coffee with one of my classmates next week, but then discovered today that I will have Ben with me on Tuesday because he's on school break. *joy* I guess I won't be having the quality time I was hoping for. However, next Thursday evening is an Au Pair club meeting that I am hoping to go to in Nyon. We'll see if it works out, but it's really important for me to meet people since I'm not yet.

The Merde part of this post happened yesterday: as I was pulling into the driveway with 3 children in the backseat (I watch one of Ben's friends after school somedays) I popped the rear driver's side tire. I felt completely retarded. (And if Sarah Palin wants to take offense at that remark, let her!) :-P

I sent a SMS to Solveig right away, and she was very understanding. I just feel really dumb, of course it could have happened to anyone, but it happened to me and since I've been here less than a month I just feel... dumb. It will be fine, I know that, but until then... who knows. Daniel's been gone for 2 days and gets back tonight, so we'll see how he reacts to it. I don't think it'll be the end of the world, but I'm certainly not feeling like I'm on top of my game.

Solveig leaves tonight for Brazil for a week and so I'll have a little more interaction with the kids next week, since I'll be the female representative and the second adult around (likely more driving, possibly more cooking and I have a feeling a little more tucking in, etc.) I don't mind it, that's certain.

Solveig did give me a complement last night (despite the tire incident) and she said that she's really happy with her choice, really glad they found me and she knows that things will be OK while she's gone. That made me feel slightly less of a failure. :-\

This weekend we're going to visit Daniel's parents in the German speaking region and then go to their flat in the mountains on Sunday, so it will be a full weekend and I'm not sure exactly what to expect. It's still a lot to take in. That and his parents don't speak English and only speak some French, which will prove interesting to say the least. I could stay home, but it seems better that I go, meet them and actually have something to do while here.

Right now I'm in a house full of French-speaking men. Two are here to clean (and they come twice weekly) and the other two are here installing a shower door in Ben's bathroom. Full house - unfortunately, or maybe fortunately I don't understand a word. LOL. It's really weird adjusting to this life - I really just feel spacey.

The boys seem to like me, and they're having fun, which I think is reinforcing Solveig's happiness. And last night I brought her her dinner because she was working getting ready for the trip and she was very satisfied at my help. I try, it's just my self-esteem often gets the better of me.

It turns out that I will likely be here until the 15th of February next year, so that the replacement for me, whoever that might be has some time to work side-by-side. I don't know if that means I won't be allowed to extend my stay, but I also don't know if I'll want to.

I was talking with my mom the other night and she said that she met someone whose daughter just returned from a year as an Au Pair in Switzerland engaged to a Swiss man - who knows!?! Maybe that'll be my story too, although I'm not planning on it, and it's usually important to meet people before considering a relationship... lol

I don't have any new photos today, but hope to take some this weekend. I'm holding out that maybe photography will be my calling... But then again, that's really just a hope. There is so much I'm missing in the States, it's sometimes hard justifying being here. I mean the experience is great, but being away from family & friends in such tough times is pulling at my heart. I don't know what to do. There is so much change and heartache and sacrifice and, as I've said before, time seems almost at a standstill here. I mean time is passing but at a rate completely unknown to me. The days just pass, and then poof, one week, two weeks, I know soon two months will have passed and I wonder if I will feel any differently. I wonder if I'll be happy with my choices. It's a lot to decide upon. A lot to ponder.

When I started this blog, I wrote the tagline as being "an American discovering herself in Switzerland" but I wonder if I really will discover myself. Maybe this is just extending a lack of change, perhaps I'll remain the person I was, which wouldn't be bad, but it wouldn't be what I set out for. Maybe my goal was too high. I don't know. It's been 20 days. Hard to give much assessment in such a short timeframe but it's how I feel. I've got a long weekend and long week ahead of me. We'll see where it all goes.

Thinking of home on this wet, gray, & rainy day. Love to each and everyone of you.

Vocabulaire

Well, I've come to terms with my main issue with the French language. It's vocabulary. I can usually follow along when it comes to usage & implementation of phrases & conjugation but my main difficulties lie within the words. Honestly, I can conjugate verbs all day long, the problem is knowing what the F they mean. And then there is the listening factor. I'm much better at reading and speaking then I am at listening (which I know has never been a strong suit). But French-speakers talk so fast! I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever pick it up, just knowing that I can't understand the speed at which they talk. Even if I get the jist of what someone says to me, its usually because of hand motions, pointing and a level of patience I could not be more grateful for. Surprisingly, some people think I do speak French, based on my looks and it is then that I have to with a sad expression on my face, say "desolée, je ne parle pas Français" and hope that they don't take offense.

I try, certainly, but I can't help but remain in the same circles, doing the same 4-5 activities. Today, after class my intention was to ask one of my classmates to join me for a café and hope to have a little conversation but everyone leaves so quickly that I was left without the opportunity. :( The current course ends in a week and beginning Thursday the 25th I'll begin the next chapter of class and I am hoping that I may have the chance to meet either some new people or actually get to know some of the people in my class. Not everyone continues though, which makes it all the more difficult. The one girl I had made any sort of conversation outside class with is moving back to Australia in 3 weeks so, so much for her (and she's 16, which I hold no grudges about, but she can't exactly go out & do things on the weekend that I would enjoy doing). I think about where I might go... but still haven't had much luck discovering anything. It's hard enough trying to find the time to be comfortable with myself, let alone myself with others.

I hear from family & friends in the states and most of the time it brings tears to my eyes. I don't cry, but I get sad, knowing that life moves on, which is good, but I don't seem to be moving on. I have no idea what to expect when I get back... what will I do? where will I live? There are lots of questions and very little information from which to gather answers... or even attempts at answers. What is it that I am doing here, other than taking a long break from issues and people at home. I wonder if I will meet other people, if I will go out, enjoy myself not just alone. How many movies can one see by themselves? How many nights can one sit in their room and pretend to understand what the TV is saying? I know it's been only 2.5 weeks. I know I shouldn't have answers or decisions yet, but I would like to know what the hell it is I am doing. I work, go to class, come home. Same thing every day (and time is flying by without the opportunity to grow from it).

Maybe I will be somewhat bilingual when I return, but if that's the case, what am I going to do with it? Even with a year abroad I doubt I'll be fluent enough to work as a translator. And will I work with kids for the rest of my life or is there something in store for me? It's amazing, the same questions exist in Switzerland that exist in the States. And I'm sure in Italy, Russia, Germany, South Africa, everywhere... people wonder what their lives are about... what it all means... I can barely figure out what I'm doing at the moment let alone what I will do. And what that says about me.

Yesterday, I showed a few pictures I had taken many months ago to Solveig. She seemed somewhat impressed. Said I "have an eye" which is one of the greatest complements I have received in a while. But what will I do with that? Becoming a photographer is easier said than done. And honestly, I don't have enough faith in myself to believe that I could succeed at such an endever. Someday, maybe my self-esteem will match that of the talent people say I have (but maybe they're just being nice)... who's to know?

Until then, all I can say is that I am grateful that there are people who do care about me, and hope I succeed, and I hope I do too. :)

Thank you for thinking of me and hopefully soon I'll report more happiness. :D

Mini-adventures

Well, week 2 is over. It's Sunday and I'm finishing up "mes devoirs" and enjoying a quiet moment "sans enfants".

On Friday, I went to the cantonal office of Geneva in Onex (a suburb of Geneva) to file and finish my paperwork to be registered as an official Swiss resident. I took the train in the morning with Daniel and then had to take the Tram to another stop, get off there and catch a bus to go to the office. I got a little lost, walked the wrong direction on the street and got myself somewhat turned around, but by 9:30 I had made it to the bureau and got my ticket for service. I then had to wait about an hour to be called upon. When I finally was called upon I handed over my papers, finished filling out one section and paid 190sfr to be registered. But the good news now is that I am official and am allowed to stay here for a year. :D Then I got back on a bus headed for the city center. Unfortunately, that is when my troubles started. I got off the bus and somehow was so turned around that I ended up somewhere unknown to me and unable to locate on the pathetic map I had. I did find a Starbucks though! And for the first time since my arrival had what I consider a real coffee (none of that out of a machine crap! jk)

Yay for a familiar face! :D

After the Starbucks I tried getting on a tram headed to the Rue de Marché where I had been told all the good shops were and there was lots to see and feel but somehow ended up even more lost and confused. I made it back to the train station eventually and decided that while I knew where the hell I was that I should get out of there. So that's what I did. I was also starting to get a headache at the time, so it was a good idea to return to the house and rest until I had to pickup the kids at 4. Friday evening was a tough one. I picked up Ben & one of his classmates who was going to spend the afternoon with us, and then drove to Gland (about 15 minutes away) to get Kiki. The car ride was not my favorite. Hair pulling, blaming, thinking one got more cookies than the other... your typical 4/5 year olds acting out. We finally got back to the house and they went nuts. It was the first time I really felt somewhat out of control. And with the headache I was battling it was a rough night. By the time Daniel & Solveig came home I was ecstatic. I took a long bath, had a glass of red and went to bed.

Yesterday, the whole family went to Nyon together to do a little shopping at Migros (a giant supermarket that also owns: a bank, a school, a gym, restaurants, etc. - but get this - is not-for-profit), I bought shampoo, nail polish remover and a red bull, and then went for a bite to eat (at McDonalds.... seriously yuk! Actually, it's not nearly as bad as it is in the states... it was a timing issue more than anything). Then we went back to the house to drop off some things and Daniel, the two boys & myself drove to Geneva. I had decided that I wanted to go out to a movie on my own last night since they had a business dinner at the house, so I hitched a ride with Daniel to la Rue de Marché and got out and wandered around Geneva again. I spent most of the day walking between the Rue de Marché and the Gare Coravin (train station). I walked on the Pont du Mont Blanc (the Mont Blanc Bridge) and up and down the rue de Marché. I did a little shopping... bought some new socks (how exciting!) and a scarf (which was fun, and like 75% off! yay!) and then I went into a bookstore called Fnac where I found the English section and bought a book by one of my favorite authors - Bill Bryson. I spent a surprising amount of money yesterday. But I so rarely do that, that it seemed ok. My movie was at 6:30 (18:30, sorry I got to get used to using military time) and I had been in Geneva since 14:00 so I just kept wondering. I went to this exhibit that was on a little island in the middle of the river that was "entree libre" (free, so I went!) It turned out it was an exhibit about the human genome. While the exhibit was in French they had a guide in english so I grabbed that and walked though, looking at live animation of DNA replicating itself and these little displays of pivotal moments in genome history. (You can see photos of the exhibit here: http://www.unige.ch/450/expositions/genome/presentation/genome-photos.html) The website is all in French, so unless you're really good at translating, the photos are the best way to see it).

After the exhibit I still had an hour & half to kill so I walked back towards the station (which is also where my movie was) and went into a bar and had a martini called "fire dragon" (I remember it having absolut citron or mandarin, contreau and some cranberry juice (I think)... I sat and read my new book and drank my cocktail while waiting for the movie. Then I went and got some popcorn and a Pepsi Light (diet) and some sour candy. :D It's definitely my guilty pleasure... I went to see a movie called "I Love You, Phillip Morris" (in English with French & German subtitles). It hasn't come out in the states yet because (according to the reviews I saw & http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1045772/) of the homosexual nature (it had trouble finding distribution. The premis is actually a true story. Jim Carrey stars as a man who was "living a lie" married to a woman and had a kid but actually was gay and after a major car accident he decides to be true to himself so he moves to Florida where he starts to live the high life until he realizes in his words "being gay is expensive" so he becomes a conman. Once he gets caught, he goes to prison and meets Ewan McGregor's character (Phillip Morris). The majority of the movie follows how he (Jim Carrey) cons his way into becoming a CFO, pretends to be a lawyer, etc. It's a great movie, a little crude and definitely "R" rated (that is in the states, here it's 14...) But, I highly recommend it. If you liked "Catch Me If You Can" you'd like this one.

The movie got out at 8:15 and I rushed across the street to the station to buy my train ticket, then ran and just barely made the 8:21 train for Coppet. Then I hopped on the bus for Céligny and was home by 9. I spent the rest of the evening watching some tv and talking on Skype. It was a busy day. I was scared, but I'm really proud of myself for going out and doing it. I took a few pictures with my iphone (below) and tested my ability to communicate.

I look forward to doing more of this in the future. It really was the first time I had ever gone out, totally alone and functioned well... :D

I miss Seattle, but know that when I return, no matter what it is I end up doing I'll be a wiser, more adept person because of my self determination not to be sad & lonely.

Love to all of you.

Taken Friday while terribly lost in Geneva... don't ask me where the heck I was, just know that this is one of the sights I saw... the Rhône

Also taken Friday, this is a Jewish Temple... again, don't ask me where exactly....

On Saturday, some sort of protest was going on and they had put out this display of ice sculptures... I thought it was pretty interesting, even though I had no idea the reasoning behind it.

Me, on the Pont du Mont-Blanc (Most of the buildings behind me have large signs: Rolex, UBS, Credit-Suisse, Louis Vitton, etc.)

On the Mont-Blanc Bridge looking out over the lake.

Inside the bar I went to while waiting for the movie on Saturday.

This was Friday, when it was snowing like crazy it is some park, but again, I was lost beyond all recognition so I have no idea where exactly it is.

This is where I went on Friday to become "official"

Also taken Friday, on some random bridge crossing the Rhône (no idea which one exactly...)

More on class & the Language

I was replying to a friend about my classes and finally came up with some good anecdotes to share about learning a foreign language.

Class here is so hard! Its been so long since I was in a classroom, let alone a classroom where they don't speak English. Trying to remember everything becomes a daily struggle. I try to think about the words I say in English in French when I'm speaking, but like with most aspects of the language it's OVER MY HEAD. I know English isn't easy to learn but honestly, I don't remember all these fraking rules. For example, today we're working on the subjonctif (subjunctive) formation of sentences & verbs. I forget even what subjunctive means in english, let alone trying to figure out when you're supposed to use it. We were supposed to write sentences using verbs referring to obligation or desire. I wrote I hope to go to Italy. But in French, where the second verb (go) would normally be subjunctive it's not because the sentence is about me & me again. If I said She hopes I go to Italy, then I'd use the subjunctive form of go, but if the subject is the same then you use the infinitive form. WTF?!? Why can't they just make up their minds?!? I could certainly be doing worse, but honestly, I am just having so much trouble grasping it in the moment. I go home on the bus and just pray I'll remember what was said and how to say it again. And of course the whole class is in French, so no side explanations of words - if we ask what a word means we get a synonym in French, which doesn't always help.

I've decided that if nothing else, learning a foreign language should make me appreciate knowing english more. It really is a bizarre & difficult language. Although, I am grateful EVERY DAY that we don't have a different way of saying "I go" and "You go" - go is go no matter what. In French it's je va and vous allez... explain that?!? And don't get me started on all those f-ing irregulars! *sigh* it's a lot of work, and requires a lot of brain power (something I never had a plethora of to begin with).

Sean, the oldest Porter child thinks I'll return bilingual. I think this might be setting the expectations a little high. Even with years of schooling in the States, nothing prepares you for actual communication. However, having the tools to know what something is categorized as is helpful, even if you can't recall it on the spot. I'm keeping my fingers crossed though... who knows maybe I will end up bilingual, although I don't know how much good French will do me in Seattle. Perhaps if I moved to Quebec... but, even then, I doubt I'd use French as my base language.

I definitely see a big difference from being in a classroom & in the real world with it though, you can learn how to write the same sentence a billion times but actually bringing it out of your arse and into speech is another trick entirely. Immersion is the best way to learn, I'm sure but unfortunately it also makes you feel like a fool sometimes. Even remembering when to use "tu" and when to use "vous" confuses me. In classes in the states we almost ALWAYS used vous (formal of you) but with the kids they use tu, and if I use vous with them they a) don't understand and b) it shows that they have a higher level respect than I do, so I have to practice using the right words all the time and then pray I don't mess up in public and ask a stranger "d'eau s'il tu plaît" instead of "s'il vous plaît". BIG ROOKIE MISTAKE (trust me, I made it last weekend). I know the rule is, when in doubt use "vous" but seriously, I'm ALWAYS in doubt!!

I really have a lot more respect for anyone who has mastered more than one tongue. Take my employers for instance, both are native French speakers, but they also both know German AND English. At work they use English (which is a plus for me, because that means I have a higher chance of getting a foreign job, seeing how English is the universal language, but I also feel like it is in some ways looked down upon because it's my ONLY language). Someday, maybe, I will be able to appreciate knowing English and not feel out of place for it being my only mastered language, but until I see it happen, I am fearful that I, like most Americans won't realize how much more there really is!

Perhaps I should start trying to write more in French, but to me, it isn't the writing that is most vital, it's the speaking and the listening (which, I will be the first to admit I'm not the best at, even in English). I can write until the cows come home but until I can read what someone else has put into words, and understand their sentiments, etc. I have a bad feeling I'll just be another wannabe. Trying. Endlessly.

Anyway, I need to go get out my workbook and do some more practice. And by more practice I mean, endless practice...

Until next time, all my love.

School, Looking forward to the weekend, and then some

Well, I had my 3rd class today, and OMG was it hard!!! I wish I remembered more. Today was working with the subjonctif - not easy stuff, I understood most of it, but not a lot. I'm completely exhausted today. I didn't get to sleep that quickly last night and as a result I ended up not wanted to wake up this morning. But I did, had to go to class, and then return to the house to do my chores, which I've just finished and decided to blog a bit.

Tomorrow I have to go to Geneva to get my residency permit which will allow me to travel while here and be legal. I do miss my friends & family, it's a little lonely here. I still haven't done anything. I'm hoping to get myself to go out this weekend - even if I'm totally alone, I want to try something different.

We have some family friends who live in Florence who have agreed to let me crash on their floor during part of my April vacation, so I'm also starting to look at that and how I might go about going there. The train goes through Milan, so currently I'm thinking I may stop in Milan for a couple days and then continue onto Florence for the weekend and be back for work on the 11th of April. Who knows for sure. Even though it's a ways out I need to start thinking about it now. I'm trying to decide if maybe I should try to go anywhere else while in Italy, maybe leave earlier and spend a whole week there... but I've never really traveled on my own and wouldn't know what to do with myself. Plus I'm a little nervous. Even roaming around Nyon is out of my comfort zone, and I speak a little French, what would I do if I was in a place where the only words I know are Thank You & Wine?!?! It's an adventure, I know but I sort of feel like I should have some sense of where the ground is....

It's really, really, really cold today. It's about -4ºC with wind, a lot of wind. (so, for those who haven't adapted to the metric system - that's like 25ºF and then a wind chill factor that feels like 5ºF). Even with my new winter coat, gloves & a scarf I was tearing because of the cold. I prefer to stay in the house, as much as possible.

I don't know what I'd do without the internet. It's made the transition much easier. Being able to skype my parents, FB my friends & brothers and bootleg American TV on occasion has been a godsend. I miss the consistency of home, knowing exactly where I can go, what I can do, etc. It's just so weird to adjust. And then there are the random cravings. I had bought a bag of sour patch kids at the airport when I left Seattle and last night I ate half of them. I just needed that sugar, fructose & artificial coloring!!

My headaches come & go. It still seems to be daily, as it was in the states, and I still require a ton of sleep to function, but I've yet to have a debilitating on, thank goodness *knock on wood*

I wish I could live without wondering what's going to happen, but you know me, I'm a ______. (perfectionist, worry-wort, stress-magnent, take your pick). Because of that I wonder if I would be OK on my own in another country. I'm on my own here, but not. It's not the same. I've got at least bodies in the same place as me, bodies that will speak to me, offer me a beer at the end of a very tough day, agree that it's unseasonably cold, etc. If I were completely alone I worry I'd be even more of a basketcase.

Anyway, for now I have to focus on the future, what this job is going to bring me in terms of growth opportunities and experiences. Who knows what I'll do when I return. Life seems to be moving forward everywhere and for everyone else, I sometimes still feel 18, anxious to do something with my life, and then I have to remind myself: you ARE doing something with your life. It's actually harder than it sounds.

Kyle & Scot are in a new band that has their first show on the 23rd of February and 98% of me wishes I could be there. The other 2% wishes they would play here! :D I've promised to go see some shows and meet people, but how exactly is still TBD. If you're in Seattle and not shy of awesome, but likely loud music you should go see them. Visit on MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/controlkeys and see them at the Funhouse on the 23rd!

All my best,

Mattie

Ben & I had a playdate yesterday while Kiki was at preschool. We went to the same place on Lake Geneva that we had gone my first day, along the water in Nyon. We played in the park, then went and had a chocolat chaud in a little café. It was great fun. There are lots of ducks (cannard) and swans (siennes (sp?)) at the water and a couple came right up to us hoping for a snack, unfortunately, we had rien (nothing).

Ecole & Neige

This morning I had class in Nyon. I took the bus from Céligny where we live to the train station at Nyon and then walked over to the school. It was better today, despite the fact I had missed Thursday's class last week from being sick, I wasn't the only one *sigh of relief* I think I did OK, not great, but not horrible. Things are coming back little by little.

There are a couple Americans in my class, and a girl from Sydney who all speak English, so we can chat a little after each class. Actually, I rode the bus with the girl from Sydney on the way back home, which was nice, having someone to talk to. I'm hoping we'll be able to maybe get together one of these days outside class. She's in University finishing up and her mom decided she should practice French in a French-speaking country. She'll be here for another 4 weeks so hopefully we'll find an opportunity to get together.

I lucked out of my chores today, too. The cleaning men who come twice a week to do the heavy cleaning came early before I got home and had made the beds & of course did the floors & such so I only had a little re-making to do and then did some ironing. Then I putzed around on the computer and started dreaming about taking a little trip in April when I have vacation. We have family friends in Florence and I may have the opportunity to stay with them for a weekend which would be incredible. Now it's a matter of finding & booking my flight/train but the options aren't great. I was looking at one flight and it would take me over 8 hours to get there because of a 5 hour layover in Paris. LAME. Even if it is Paris, who would want to just stay in the airport. Anyway, I may be forced to do something weird like that just because of the options available and my not wanting to pay $1000 for a weekend getaway. If I'm lucky I should be able to do it for about $300 or so. *fingers crossed* And luckily would be able to stay with these friends we hope so I wouldn't have to add hotel on to that. We'll see - nothing set in stone of course. But it's a hope.

The snow is beautiful, but it's been non-stop since late morning. Thankfully the roads are staying clear but the world is whitewashed. Something I am definitely NOT used to. :D I picked Ben up from school at 4 and then walked with him over to "the castle" where a classmate is having a birthday party. From what I have been told, the birthday boy's family pretty much owns most of Céligny and what they don't own they try to buy. But, the whole class was invited so something tells me they are down to earth, at least as much as a family who owns a large portion of a town can be. I have to go back and pick up Ben @ 6. I was supposed to get Kiki from school as well, but due to the snow & Solveig being ill she decided she would leave work a little early and get him. I have to say while I'm bummed she's sick I'm sort of glad I'm not having to drive to Gland in the weather. There would probably be even more snow there since it's away from the water.

Things are moving forward, everyday I get a little more comfortable with the language & a little more comfortable with the job. It's probably most difficult because I was just sort of thrown into it. Normally one does not move, change careers & default language in a period of a week.

Tomorrow the boys don't have school so we'll be able to sleep in and then play together. I love you all. Thanks for your well wishes & support. Oh, and if anyone knows of people who would take in a lonely American on a weekend somewhere in central Europe, let me know!

*Love*

Me with Golan (Angie & David's dog at the mountains), Nessa & Aiton on sleds, Solveig standing facing Angie & Daniel with Ben & Kiki) (David took this one I think)

The kid's playhouse covered in snow at about 2 this afternoon - there is even more now.

The backyard where normally you can see the lake & mountains in the distance, totally hidden by the snow.

Moving along...

Things are going well. As far as I know. :D

We came back from the mountains yesterday, and since it was Sunday I was off duty, so I just lounged around for a few hours, made some dinner and went to bed. Last night I actually slept through the whole night. It was amazing. I was so happy!

A little more about the mountains though: we went to the Alps to a place near Crans-Montana and stayed with some friends (I think I wrote a little about that on Saturday night) in a gorgeous chalet. On Sunday we had croissants & pain au chocolat in the morning and then went to the ski lift at Aminona where the 5 adults & 5 kids took sleds and went all the way down on the sleds on slopes made for the activity. It was a lot of fun. The only experiences I really have with sledding was when I was little at my grandpa's place where we would slide down and then have to climb back up. This was a treat! No climbing! We ended up being about 2200m up and it took us a couple hours to get down (but that included stopping for a breather or two and a little picnic of chips & Sauvignon Blanc for the adults & orange juice for the kids.

When we made it to the bottom it was time to go, and try to make it back to town before the traffic got too bad. We hadn't eaten any real food so we went to McDonalds. Let me tell you now I was not thrilled about this concept because, let's face it - it's McDonalds... BUT it was actually good. Probably because it has higher regulations than we can even conceive of in the States. I had a chicken burger with bacon (it was called "Chicken Deluxe with Bacon" - creative huh?) but it was closer to quality I would expect from Red Robin, the chicken was real chicken and the bread was a country-style roll (whole wheat) and there was a special mayo on it which tasted like a cross between a Caesar & ranch dressing. We went through the "McDrive" (yes, that's what it is actually called) which was another experience all together. The kids were totally exhausted and slept most of the way, while Daniel, Solveig & I talked about the differences between fast food, government, opportunity, education, etc. here in Switzerland & in the States. It was really interesting.

Emotionally I'm doing ok. I think I'm still in a bit of denial. It's just been a little over a week now and I haven't done much on my own, which I think has a lot of impact on my attitude. Tomorrow I have French class again, and I'm a little nervous. Mainly because I missed last Thursday because I was sick, but also because I just don't feel confident with my French. I second-guess myself, which I suppose you should do when you're unsure but it makes me feel overly inadequate. I'll take the bus tomorrow to Nyon for class and then come back to the house and do my chores - which are pretty easy & straightforward: tidy the kitchen, kids rooms, living room, playroom, wipe down the sinks, make the beds, and vacuum/mop the main floors. It takes between 1-3 hours depending on how bad it is, which then gives me a couple hours free time every day (like now). I really just wish I had both the knowledge & courage to go out on my own. I'm struggling with that. I was never really good about going out and meeting people and now it seems even worse because, well I a) don't speak the language b) don't know where the hell I am and c) don't know where to go. Next weekend Solveig is encouraging me to go into Geneva and explore which I am hoping to do. I also have to decide where I want to go in April for my break (I get about 10 days) and again what I may do in August, whether I go home to the States, or go somewhere else. I am hoping that by April, when I have my first week off that I have the courage to actually go somewhere but I'm not sure yet. I've been contemplating Amsterdam or Paris but also thought I may see about going to Italy. I might end up picking Paris because I can sort of understand things and get around but I really think I should go somewhere I haven't been before.

There is a lot to adjust to. I keep feeling like I'm on the verge of tears, happy, scared, nervous, homesick, excited tears. But I can't cry. I had the same problem back in Seattle but I always thought it was because I was overly medicated. But apparently it's just me. *sigh*

I miss everyone back home, and I hope you are all well. Know that you are in my constant thoughts and I look forward to having exciting news to report and will be home again in 54 weeks. :-)

Love, always & forever.

At the mountains

First, forgive the briefness (& any potential typos) of this posting, I'm doing it via my iPhone a little after midnight with some less than 100% wifi.
Anyways, the area is absolutely gorgeous and today we went sledding down a little slope after eating some amazing food at a little cafe called La Curé (sp?) and it was really good. We're with friends of the family (David & Angie, and their 3 children) and then us 5 (Daniel, Solveig, Ben, Kiki & myself) and the 10 of us ate lunch completely overwhelming the restaurant (oh 10 people & a golden retreiver) in a restaurant with basically room for 25 total. It was great. I had a little bit of real Fondue and veal sasuage with frites. It was really good but somewhere between Seattle & London I lost my appitite. I only ate 1/2 the serving and it's much smaller than the massive American size I am familiar with. Then we went to David & Angie's châlet which is giant and beautiful, a mix of new, rural, antique, Jewish, Irish, family, entertainment and art. There are some parts that shout "I'm in a Swiss Châlet" and other pieces say "I was made in 1490 and shouldn't been breathed on" and then there is the modern "I'm here to watch tv and escape the bussle of the city" and then the "relax, make yourself at home there are little kids running around". It's really nice.

Sadly though I have gotten sick again, it could very likely be the rich food, or the elevation or the fact that I was sick most of this week. I have to say that the bed I am currently laying on about to pass out is much more to my taste. I've discovered that I really need a soft mattress. I think that might be adding to why I haven't been sleeping through the night - tossing & turning on a hard mattress. I even discovered near bruises on my hips (since I sleep sideways).

Anyways, this was primarily a practice in seeing if I could even blog with my phone. Now it's almost 1am and I really should sleep. But tomorrow the hope is I'll feel better (I got sick again tonight, vomited dispite a large wish to eat the food that Angie made because it was delish but lost it anyway. I'll be really pissed if I stay sick. I think I need an injection of antibodies for all maladies children could ever possibly catch and then maybe I could avoid being sick when I really want to participate and learn and moat importantly, based on my livelihood here in Switzerland - my job. I would HATE to end up sick again on a work day. So I'll take to tonight but after that, I'd like to run my sicknesses against my work schedule to avoid the possibility I miss a day of work & Daniel would have another opportunity to tease me about firing (no worries, he like most guys I know enjoy teasing Mattie. Mattie is an easy target :)

I couldn't ask for more understanding people with my health - the lack of sleep/jetlag + kids + and some (dare I say) homesickness all coming together and what I get from them is 'rest' take care of yourself, as you'd like. It's fortunate.

Tomorrow, my goal is to take some more photos of the area and post them when we return.

Much love, Bon nuit & talk to you soon.

Ps - if anyone would like to send me a email, please feel free to do that: mattiegoesgreen@gmail.com.

<3

One week

Well, as of tomorrow evening I will have been in Switzerland for 1 week. It's amazing that it's been that long already. I'm still adjusting to everything. (Including the time-change). Solvieg & Daniel have told me it's a day per hour so I'm looking at another 2-3 days before I truly adjust. *oh joy*

I'm getting used to the job and the children. I think I'm doing well & they seem to be happy with me. I think one of the most difficult aspects of it is learning to discipline when you don't speak the language. I can tell you that the words I use most often seems to be: "arrêt" "mange" and "maintenant" (stop, eat & now) lol

I'm overwhelmed by the support of my family & friends back home, and appreciate all that you are doing for me, just knowing people care about me, and are sending me good vibes, etc. is such a blessing and really helps me to avoid feeling too homesick.

Today I found Dawson's Creek on TV - in French of course, which was really funny, because if that show isn't sappy enough imagine adding 3 words per mouth movement given! It seems like I have hundreds of channel options but finding something that I can somewhat understand is difficult.

I'm looking forward to next week & hoping to do a little exploration on my own, with hopes that I don't get a) lost or b) totally outed as an American.

This evening Daniel & Solvieg had friends over and just standing there with them listening to the conversation nearly blew my mind. I understood maybe every 6th word. I'm truly hoping that soon I will understand enough to really contribute and not feel like a total outsider. Thankfully all their friends are very understanding of my lack in knowledge and are patient with me both trying to understand, asking questions & using hand gestures. Thank heavens for worldwide hand movements. :D

Other than language things are well. I'm driving just fine & understanding the traffic signs & signals. It's interesting though, there are still occasional signs I'm trying to understand. One surprising traffic difference is speed limits. In towns they have listed speeds varying from 40kmph to 70kmph but when you leave that area there is no posted limit. I usually keep it around 70 but some people go as fast as 100kmph on roads that are similar to a highway frontage road.

Tomorrow we leave for the mountains and are staying with some English speaking friends of theirs, which I am both thankful for and worried simply because it seems I should be working on my French more. Anyway, tonight I'm hoping to fall asleep to something "en français" and perhaps it will inspire some French dreams.

Much love,
Mattie

Sick

Well, I've gotten sick in Switzerland. Last night I got what Ben and Daniel had gotten Tuesday. I'm nauseous, was throwing up all night and missed class today. It was only a matter of time I know, but I was definitely hoping I'd make it more than a week. :(

It's pretty crazy, I don't remember the last time I was this type of sick. It must be a 24-hour stomach flu but it's pretty horrible. And it's not helping with my jetlag which is still making me somewhat miserable as well. I didn't sleep through the night, and I kept throwing up... what's next?!?

My family is being really kind though. They had me sleep in this morning and try to feel better (it's sort of working). But it's weird being in the house by myself.

My daily chores are pretty straightforward: make beds, tidy the kitchen, bathrooms, kids' rooms, etc., vacuum the floors, do the laundry (which I'm still not quite sure how to do - they have some high-tech machinery around here) and maintain the general appearance of the house.

I got a phone yesterday too, for emergencies & such which is nice. I sort of feel like a business person though, since I still have my iPhone and carrying around two is a little obnoxious. I really hope I get over this flu thing asap because it's really draining me.

Anyway, I'm going to try & take a little nap and then finish my jobs around the house. Just thought I'd share a little update. This weekend we're going to the mountains with some friends of the family and will go "sledging" with the kids. I'm looking forward to it, as long as my stomach cooperates.

Missing & Loving you all. Will keep you updated as I can. <3

Exhausted

I'm simply exhausted. I'm not sure when I'll feel like I'm on the right time zone. Today I was up at 3:55, again around 6 and then again at 7:30 (and I get to sleep in today! Not fair!!!

Today is Wednesday, which is my day to spend with the boys, no school, no chores, etc. I'm looking forward to it, but if I don't rest I know it will be miserable. Yesterday afternoon I was so tired I felt like I was going to fall asleep while sitting with Ben. Not good!

I'm still in a weird space, not quite adjusted to my surroundings but also not entirely homesick or worried. I really, truly just want a full night's sleep without interruption. That would be nice.

Thankfully I discovered that I can watch the Daily Show & Colbert report over here, so I get a bit of news that I care about! After playing with the kids today, I have homework to do for my class, which just requires a mindset that I can't seem to grasp at the moment. I can think of things to say in French, but reading and doing excercises specific to a lesson is really hard. I had forgotten how hard school was. (Even harder when you don't speak the primary language).

I took the bus yesterday, which was a new experience (BTW all the public buses are Mercedes-Benz). Wasn't too difficult, except I missed the first bus (while buying a much needed French/English dictionary) then I wasn't exactly sure where to go, thankfully I have the ability to ask "Où est la bus pour Céligny?" and mostly understand their responses. I missed the second bus somehow, but I don't remember seeing it. And I was looking. Anyway, finally I made it on the bus and back to the house. Someday, it will be second nature but for now I'm still learning.

I haven't been eating much, which probably isn't a good thing either, but for what ever reason I just don't eat. I'll have a little bit here and there but I haven't had a full meal since Sunday.... I plan to work on that. :)

I'm missing everyone back home, hope all is well. We're going to the mountains this weekend, and I promise to take some photos. Love to all,

Les Cours

Today I begin my french classes. I think the part I'm most nervous for though is taking the bus on my own into Nyon. With such limited language skills I'm not quite sure how I'll do. I've been here for 3 days now, and finally slept through most of the night. So maybe by this weekend I'll be on track. Things seem to be coming together quite well.

Yesterday, Solveig took me into Nyon and then took me shopping because she & Daniel are convinced I didn't have warm enough clothes. (Which is probably true considering it was -7º celsius yesterday morning. Likely to be about the same today). I got a beautiful black wool coat, a ski jacket because we're going to the mountains tonight where it will be extremely cold ALL day long and then a pair of boots for the city & a pair for the mountains. Along with a few sweaters.

I took my entrance exam for classes yesterday as well, got 28/36 which is a lot better than I had expected. I have placed into level A2 (there is A1, A2, B1, B2, C1, C2 - C2 is "native" speaker basically). So I didn't place at the very beginning but I also didn't do amazingly. It'll take a little time.

I'm still adjusting to it even happening. Everything is going so fast it's hard to believe sometimes that it is real.

As for my health, things are so far so good. I have yet to have a major headache (knock on wood) and so far haven't needed to adjust my activities for that. In fact the only thing affecting me is my major jetlag.

I love you all & will let you know how french classes go. Missing my American families!

Avec tout mon amour,

Céligny

Well I made it. I'm in Célingy. Unfortunately I cannot sleep. I have been sleeping. In fact I took a nap yesterday afternoon (Sunday) and then woke up and proceeded to play with the children. Which was quite fun. Benjamin, the eldest has already told me "je t'aime" which makes me feel good about being here. And Melchoir (Kiki) also seems to like me (or at least is beginning to).

They picked me up from the airport (which is only 15 or so minutes from their gorgeous home) and we just relaxed a bit. Then they had a short dinner engagement so my first night I babysat the boys. (well sort of, Kiki was already in bed, and Ben & I watched a little télé and then I read him a story, or at least attempted to... and tucked him into bed. I sang Twinkle Twinkle to him and then went and took a bath. It was so nice to just emerge into the hot water. I could have stayed there all night but I was exhausted so I went to bed.

Yesterday, Sunday - we went to Nyon, the nearest "large town" which appeared to me to be the size of say, Arlington. But of course MUCH more gorgeous. According to my employer, Solveig, all lakeside property must be public land. There are a few places where old houses still sit on the water and are "private" but for the most part she says that the waterfront is public space. In Nyon it was the day of the monthly flea market where vendors set up along the brick boardwalk and sell antiques and misc. wares. It was sort of a cross between an antique mall, Pike Place & a garage sale. This is Nyon, looking at the castle (17th Century I believe). It's quite beautiful.

After walking along the water for a while, stopping at the ice skating rink to say hi to some friends we came back to the house and I was given a driving lesson. I felt just fine behind the wheel, it isn't too difficult, however it's FAST. The speed limit through the towns is about 50kmph which is about 30mph (but this is through a windy road in the middle of a town). On the country roads it's up to 80kmph (or about 50mph) and that's a road where houses are, there are occasional crosswalks, etc. The other odd item is when two roads merge, those to the right have the right of way, not necessarily the one on the arterial route. This can be confusing because you approach a street and you must try to see if someone is coming from the right and if so they go first. Also, although I have yet to come to a stop light, I have been informed that one cannot turn right on red, which is good to know.

Then, after a little driving together, Daniel left me with the car to drive on my own a bit and get a little more comfortable behind the wheel. They have a GPS in the car which helps a lot, except that it wanted me to hop on the highway and I refused to do so. (I'm sorry 120kmphh is just a little fast for me to begin with).

They had some friends over for brunch and the children played in the playroom in the cellar. After I ate I crashed for about an hour & 1/2 which probably wasn't the best idea considering now it's 6:20am and I can't sleep but I needed it then. After I woke up I played with Ben, Kiki and their friend Alicia for a few hours and had my first experience trying to discipline "en français" which is terribly difficult if you speak so little. Actually, my french isn't so bad compared to the children, it's when I'm around the adults I feel as though it's Swahili not French, they speak so fast and detailed I pick up about every 5th word. But that's better than nothing I suppose.

Today is my first official day "on duty." Solvieg has taken the day off so we will do everything together, wake the children in about an hour, get them dressed and then take both to school. Then it's off to Nyon again to take my placement exam for french classes, which I'm a little nervous about but know that I'll do fine. Then, Solveig is taking me to buy a real winter coat because I came "unprepared" for the 1º celsius weather that they have here (and the even colder weather in the mountains were we will go this weekend). Then, back to the house to go over my cleaning duties (nothing major, make beds, kids laundry, dishes, etc.) By then it will be close to the time to pick up Ben from elementary school in Céligny and then back to Nyon to pick up Kiki.

Tuesday I'll be picking up Ben on my own. Wednesday is my day with the boys, both are out of school and we'll spend the day playing. Solveig is working from home Wednesday so I won't be totally on my own. Thursday is my first day solo, so wish me luck!

I'm going to try and grab another 20 minutes of sleep before the day begins, but wanted to say I miss you all deeply & hope to see you soon. Below are a few pictures from yesterday, I will share more as I take them.

Love you all!