Spung

As in Spring has finally sprung! One of the things I find most remarkable about my area here in Switzerland is how similar it is to Seattle sometimes, weather wise. I was just reminded of the line my mother used to always say about weather in March (in Western Washington particularly) "if you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes." I can say it isn't quite that bad but in a matter of 3 days we had sideways rain that was on par with a mid-winter storm, gray skies, clear blue skies, lows of 4º highs of 21º (celsius of course) and all within 72 hours... It reminds me of home. And speaking of home, I feel so sad that I'm not there this week. It's my mommy's birthday and I can't be there to give her a great big hug and kiss and tell her how much I love her. It sorta sucks. Instead, on March 31st I'll be playing with the kids, picking up the house, packing my suitcase and going to bed super early because bright and early on Thursday morning I'm headed to Italy!!!! I'm really looking forward to it. I have so much to do before hand. I have to buy a bathing suit (yuk!) for San Remo where I'll be Thursday afternoon thru Saturday morning right on the water! :D Then, I need to get some traveller's checks for Rome (Saturday evening thru Thursday morning!) Where I'll also be to see Easter sunday at the Vatican along with a million other people, then I'll have Monday - Wednesday night to explore Rome, which will be a lot but likely not enough to see it all. Then I'll head midday to Perugia, Umbria where I'm staying at a little B&B for a whopping 25 Euros (breakfast included) Then finally on Friday about 1pm I leave for Florence/Firenze where I'll be staying with family friends until Sunday at 3 when I hop on my train back to Geneva!

It's going to be a whirlwind trip, exciting, but I'm also nervous (as I'm sure I've said about a thousand times already) but really it's just so amazing that I have this opportunity. I mean really?! How many twenty-somethings get to go to Rome for Easter? Ok, probably more than one might think but seriously, this is incredible. Anyways, other preparation items include making sure the little PC I'm taking with me (because there is NO way I'm taking my mac...) has Skype, getting those traveller's checks, checking to see if I can find a battery for the Rüfenacht's spare camera (which I will take if I can find, only because, and I HATE saying this, but my awesome, giant-ass camera makes me feel like a moving target for potential thieves) but alas if I can't find one I'll simply hold onto it for dear life. Anyway it'll be a great trip & I'm going to have some spectacular pictures (I hope). I only hope I can be inspired in such a great city, and really go for it, y'know?

My hostel is close to the train station, which I hope will come in handy for figuring out where everything is, and taking the metro & such. I think it'll go well. We'll see. :D

I've got three days... THREE DAYS and I'll be in ITALY! For the first time, EVER!!! So exciting!!!

In the meanwhile, Kiki & I are home together alone tomorrow (which means taking him with me to school and putting him in the little play area at the mall) and then after I'll have to take him shopping with me, but it shouldn't be too bad. He's a pretty good kid when we're alone, it's just when he's trying to act 4.5 like his big brother (which honestly isn't that great, especially since Ben cries almost as often and over nearly the same ridiculous circumstances as Kiki). But when it's just us, he mostly behaves. So we'll see how well he does tomorrow.

I'm still accepting advice, tips, suggestions and words of wisdom for my upcoming foreign adventures, if anyone has anything helpful to share please let me know.

Love you all, and I'll do my best to post from the road, but who knows if that'll really happen... But I'll try! :)

XOXOX

Last weekend, from my bedroom window...Daniel playing with the boys

3 Words: Festival Du Chocolat

Yesterday I went to the 6e Festival du Chocolat in Versoix. (That'd be the 6th Annual Chocolate Festival for those not savvy to français...)

It was incredible... over 20 Swiss chocolate makers in one tent, giving out samples and selling chocolate. It was a spectacle to behold... I met up with an au pair girl I know from Link and her friend and we wondered around. We tried to take a tour of a chocolate factory but the tickets sold out before we had a chance :( it was a bummer... But, instead we wondered to see the GIANT chocolate bunny, and by giant I mean GIANT, GIGANTIC, GI-NORMOUS chocolate bunny. We saw them attach the ears to the bunny and by the time they finished and made the official measurement the bunny stood at 5 meters, 50cm tall, over 17 Feet! It was magnificent. A giant chocolate bunny... can you imagine? It was like heaven.

After the day of chocolate and picture taking I hopped on the train and headed back home, where I took a breather, had some food and then got ready to go out out again... This time I went to Fisherman's Pub. Since I was tout seule (all alone) I went somewhere I knew would be somewhat busy and full of people. Which was good. I got there about 9pm and was almost immediately picked out of the mass crowds (I chose the wrong night to go to sports bar featuring Rugby - it was the last night of the 6 Nations tournament) by two nice guys, one an electrician from West Africa and the other a Swiss (I think) designer for Ikea... It was great to have someone to talk to AND buy me beer. I was out for 2.5 hours and didn't pay for a single drink! Go me! :D

It was a good time, I tried speaking some French, and the two guys were nice enough to speak a little more slowly for my benefit (that is one of the hardest parts in following French speakers... they talk SO f-ing fast!) I was even, again complemented on my French and my effort, which is the most important part. I took the bus back home at Midnight and then passed out after saying hi to my mom on Skype... it was weird to talk to her past 2pm West-Coast time. I'm usually long asleep by then... But it was good. Thank heavens for Skype!

Below are a few shots from the festival, and if you follow the link below you'll be directed to my facebook album from the day:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=154655&id=829234152&l=566a94d87e

A swiss Bunny... of CHOCOLATE!

That is ONE BIG BUNNY!

Pyramid of Chocolate (well, chocolate covered tennis balls.... but still!)

Chocolate muttons, lapins & poulets!

Sh*t happens...

Well, it's an international truth that shit happens. Sorry to be so forward about it but it's the honest to god truth. Today, after dropping Kiki off at daycare I was headed to the car wash to clean the Volvo for Daniel & Solveig because they're taking it tonight to the Spring Ball in Geneva and as I was waiting to turn left at a rather difficult intersection I thought I was clear and began to go when I saw someone on a scooter so I stopped but she also stopped, too hard and too fast and the scooter fell over and slid. I had to get to a place to pull off the road and someone had called the police. There was no collision/impact just damage to the scooter. A passerby stopped to make sure the girl on the scooter was OK, thankfully she was and she thankfully spoke english so she helped translate for me a bit. When the police arrived they took our stories and my boss was nearby thankfully and came to help me out after the passerby was sent on her way. Pros: no physical damage to the motorist, or myself or the volvo. The police said it's not really my fault because I stopped and she overcompensated and fell. I hadn't entered her side of the road or anything. My boss was near by and understanding/supportive. Cons: I was scared to have a run in with the police, and worried about what might happen. The outcome as we know it is that I may end up being "partially" responsible for the damage (but it's all covered by insurance) and I ended up spending a good hour and a half standing trying to work out my story in very limited French.

I guess it was only a matter of time. I am just eternally grateful that it was not an actual accident - just a, let's call it an automobile-incident. I can tell you one thing though... I'm never turning left from that intersection again.

In other news I'm still trying to purchase my train tickets for Italy. I thought we had it down until I realized that my entire itinerary had been created on a US site and I can't purchase the ticket from abroad. So then I tried to find another site to purchase it on but alas, no luck... I was going to stop at the Nyon station today and go to information to get the price for my trip and all that today but after the aforementioned incident I didn't really want to go anywhere but home. I am planning to go tomorrow to the station, get the cost and such and then I'll go buy my tickets. I WILL get this done. I MUST! Anyway, tonight I'm babysitting (which is highly unusual for fridays) because my host parents are going to a ball. A real ball. With long dresses, government officials and music. I'm totally jealous. But it's half-business and half-pleasure. Solveig's company is one of the sponsors and it's a benefit ball for paraplegia.

I actually just saw everyone off (since in writing this blog many hours have passed) and they all looked magnificent! It was so cool to see grownups going out to a ball... all dressed up with someplace to go! :D

I feel a little uneasy still, I know crap happens, and there are things like insurance for situations like today but it makes me feel, well dumb. I know it could happen to anyone, but it happened to me! And I hate that.

Anyway, that's about all I have for now in terms of updates. I'll try to write more next week.

Love to all,

Mattie

I'm going to Rome!!!!

I'm going to Rome! Last night we figured out that I could easily get from San Remo (where my host family is traveling Thursday-Sunday) to Rome in time for Easter Sunday so, in just about 3 weeks I will be celebrating Easter in Rome. I'll be there among a million other tourists but that's not the point. I'm going to Rome! :D

I'm very excited. It's not going to be a cheap trip, but I've already reserved my hostel room at a little hotel near the train station and I'll be staying in Rome April 3-8th! :) From there I will go to Perugia for a day I think and then from Perugia or nearby I will go to Florence to meet up with our dear friends Andrew & Nadia where they've graciously offered to let me stay. It's amazing. A once in a lifetime opportunity is coming my way - and I'm taking it!

I will travel with my host family to San Remo, then from there take a train Saturday to Rome. I'll be able to see the Vatican on Easter Sunday, probably get a glimpse of the pope too! Then I'll have Easter monday through thursday morning to see Rome. I'm overwhelmed with excitement. The next step is to purchase my train tickets - it's going to cost about $400 (USD) but that will be all of the travel within Italy and then home Sunday 11th of April from Florence to Geneva. I'm just so excited! The great news is that I found a hostel with room for my entire stay and it's owned by an American couple, so I know I'll be able to communicate. And the whole 5 night stay is only going to be about 135Euro which is cheaper than some hotels were charging for 1 night! Can you believe it? ROME for Easter Sunday!!! It's going to be spectacular, I plan to take 100s of photos and promise to journal and blog when I can (my hostel has free wifi).

I'm looking for any suggestions of where to go, places to visit, restaurants, shops, etc. Any and all advice is welcome. I will be traveling alone so I think the more pre-planning I can do the better. Also, if you know of a decently priced hotel or bed & breakfast in/around Perugia let me know. I might see about that one night being a treat for myself - who knows! All I can say is... OMG I can't believe this is happening. I hadn't planned on going to Rome but when it was suggested I try to make it there for Easter Sunday, a once in a lifetime opportunity I had to look into it.

Missing you all, hope I can share lots of Roman Holiday photos with you! :D

Writing

I hadn't written in a while. Nothing of importance anyway. Nothing that made me think let alone inspire others to think. At least that's the feeling I got. I used to write a lot. I used to write poetry & prose. I used to daydream through words on paper and then I'd type it out and feel a sense of accomplishment and artistic contribution. I stopped writing not that long ago, but I can't remember when it was. I went from having a way to say what I was feeling to not feeling at all. I used to explore my pain via pen and paper. I used to hate via the keyboard. I used to love via my endless ramblings. Then I decided I wanted to be a writer and suddenly I stopped writing. It's not that I suddenly had a life, in fact I did very little with my free time. It's not like I had nothing to write about since my life continued to be full of ups & downs as it had been for years before. It's simply that I stopped writing. I stopped. I don't know why, and I don't know when. I was never a really good poet, but I tried. I did my best to use words as my sword. To put my feelings down on paper and not just keep it inside my heart/head.

I wonder if it has anything to do with muses. I used to write about my pain. Heartaches and headaches. Then sometime nearly 2 years ago I stopped the heartache part and just wrote about the headaches. Then the headaches stopped. Well, they didn't stop, but they didn't control me anymore. The problem was I didn't, I don't know what controls me now. It could have been fear. It could have been success. It could have been a number of things but I don't know what those "things" were.

I used to write prose. I used to try to rhyme and use a thesaurus and explore my feelings through iambic pentameter. Then I started writing blurbs. Ramblings that went on and on (much like this) with no clear start, middle or end. My English professors would be disappointed. No thesis statement, no purpose to my words, just words. But that was the only way I wrote and even that was infrequent and spotty. Then, suddenly but not so suddenly I stopped that too. I'm not sure what happened, and I can't tell you when it was exactly but I stopped and discovered that I didn't have that much to say at all.

A couple days ago I wrote one thing. One of those phrases that would have, years ago inspired me to sit down and keep writing. To expand on it, for better or worse. I wrote the following as my facebook profile "blurb" : "In a perfect world no one would ever feel alone, no one would ever cry and no one would know the joy that is going out on your own and making a life from nothing. I think I prefer the imperfect."

The thing is I meant it. And I didn't sit and dwell on it for long. I just wrote it. The way I used to write. And that was it. I had to leave the computer for whatever reason and I left it. Just like that. Normally I would have kept going. (That is if there is a normal) - but I couldn't. Anna, my mother asked if she could take it and keep it in a file of hers of quotes that she keeps for random occasions when she wants inspiration. Of course I agreed but I told her "well, I just don't know if it's done" - that was the first time I'd said that in a long while. The first time something I wrote took on more meaning to me. More than just the words on the page (or in this case a profile box). Life has not turned out how I had planned, that is for certain. But I also think that there is a purpose to that.

Many of you know my internal struggles with faith. With the last 8 years of my life being so... fucked up it's quite difficult to accept religion or faith on an unconditional basis. But what I have begun to realize all over again is that life is uncertain for reasons.

I started writing again. Writing miscellaneous ramblings and thoughts in an intentional manner. Maybe it's that I have emotions to explore, heartache of another sort, pain of another genre, hope, fear, desperation. But the point is I started writing. And that makes me happy.

Enough of that for now, I've got to get going, but before I do: On another note, I'm doing more with other people, other au pairs and actually socializing a bit. I'm going out tonight to celebrate a birthday with one of the girls from Link Au Pair Connection and I have tentative plans to go out for lunch with another girl tomorrow afternoon. I'm doing things. I'm getting out there. I'm trying. It's just like my writing. It's happening.

Love you all, miss you incredibly much and I'm looking forward to sharing some more of my ramblings with you (whether you read them or not is up to you, but I will share them). Happy Friday!

Weekend in France, Movies & New Friends

Well I did it. I made a few new friends. Go me. :-)

On Saturday morning I woke up bright and early and headed off to Nyon where I met up with a group from Link: the Au Pair Connection - a group that works with au pairs living near Geneva. There were 21 total including our two "chaperones"/leaders, Paul & Becky Luedtke who have given the last 24+ years working with Youth here in Switzerland and graciously and loving encourage us each to be content with our work here, offering advice and support from everything to shopping and cooking to finding spirituality and purpose. I am most grateful for having found them. Twice-monthly they host meetings in Nyon at a local church were Au Pairs from all around the lake Geneva region come and enjoy community time together. It's really great. This last weekend was the movie retreat weekend where they take a group of girls to a retreat home in Peillonnex ("pay-o-nex") France (where this wonderful couple has transformed this gorgeous home into a giant retreat center, complete with beds for up to 50, a giant TV/meeting/game room and kitchen for community meals) (If you can zoom enough to see the sign you can see the spelling...)

We watched four films over two days and then discussed their "essence," meaning, imagery, etc. It was quite fun. Coming from an artistic family, and one that has a lot to do with cinema in one degree or another it was just up my alley. I had seen two of the four, so I had a little more background on it, but really enjoyed the process.

I formed a few bonds, or at least the start of a few bonds while there and sort of felt, for the first time in a long while, not just since I moved but perhaps even before the move, like I belonged. I've been invited to spend time with a few of the others on the weekends and evenings and I'm looking forward to getting to know the others better. It wasn't all easy, but no one said it would be. I thin the greatest part is that I know if I can manage to fit in enough to enjoy myself over a weekend, imagine what a year will bring me? I just have to stay as positive as possible.

My mom, Anna, sent me this quote this morning somehow it's very fitting: “A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.” ― Patricia Neal I think Patricia, whomever she is/was has got it right. (Although wonder drugs can help!) :D

Below are a few pictures from the weekend, and a new snapshot of me, thanks to Jande, one of the other au pairs in the group who graciously agreed to take a picture of me.

I still miss you all, but things are getting easier little by little and I'm feeling more and more like I've made not only the right decision but a positive, life changing/life affirming one. Thank you ALL for your support, I certainly could not do it without you.

I'll do my best to keep you up to date on things as time goes on. It's been extremely windy and super cold today (like 3º Celsius) but absolutely gorgeous nonetheless.

I missed watching the Academy Awards last night, it was always one of my favorite things to do with the family, but since neither Sean nor Kyle have been nominated yet it's really not that important ;) now next year on the other hand will be a different story - I know one of their projects will make it. But I'm thinking Cannes also needs to happen, especially while I'm in Europe so I can go and see them and their work abroad.

I mean really, how pretty is that?

The sky was blue, scattered clouds, COLD but gorgeous!

Such an absolutely positively picture-perfect small town in France.

Uneventful

Well this week has been mostly uneventful. That might be a good thing, or it might be a sad thing depending on how you look at it. I think about it often. Am I happy here? Well, I'm as happy as I was in the States I suppose - minus the key difference of having someone to talk to whenever I wanted. And knowing a few people to go out with. Sometimes I wonder if I would be doing the same thing if I had stayed in Seattle. I wouldn't have the money to go out so I probably would just stay home and watch TV. Now I have the money but not the drive or inspiration. I'm scared to go out. Not scared, but you can only go drinking by yourself so many times, y'know?

I lead a relatively boring life here. It could be worse, I could be leading a boring life in Seattle but at least then I know of people to call upon. You never really know until it's gone.

I know that is such a cliché and I hate to think about it but it really is true. Like that damn song that nearly everyone knows and I can't think of the original artist - but "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone. They paved paradise and put up a parking lot" - I'm not in a parking lot, I'm not necessarily in paradise. I think it could be either depending on how I take it. This week really didn't bring much. I worked like a dog, went to class - felt incredibly STUPID yesterday in class because I can't understand what people say in French - reading and writing is one thing, comprehension of spoken word - that's another story all together. I'm hoping that my brain might switch over eventually but for now I struggle with every syllable - every centimeter - every military timestamp. (Seriously America - we're pretty much the only country that uses AM/PM and we are most definitely the only ones to use inches, feet and Fahrenheit). I really want to go back to my 7th grade math teacher and ask them WHY we didn't spend more time on conversion... my iPhone can only do so much! Actually fun fact: TV screens are calculated in inches... last night I saw an ad for a 20" screen and went "wait a second?!?" - turns out they sell TVs with inches as their dimensions... fancy that.

Tomorrow, bright and early I'll get up and grab the bus to Nyon where I will meet up with the au pair club for our movie weekend getaway. I'm looking forward to it. I'm not sure what to expect but it'll be nice to at least be away from the family and doing something for me.

Oh and speaking of for me... my Italy trip in April is going to be extended. Turns out the family is going to northern Italy the 1-5 of April and have invited me to join them so I'll be getting a full 10 days - 5 with the family and 5 on my own! How cool is that? Now I'll still have to sort out what to do April 5-9th wondering around the northern half of Italy, but I won't have to get there which means an extra day to explore. Might even allow me the chance to go to Venice or Rome (but it's also a holiday week for nearly all of Europe which means hotels will be at their peak and tourists will abound) - I'm hoping by April I feel more grounded, more at ease on my own. Who knows....

In other news yesterday my residency card arrived. It confirms my status as au pair and allows me to stay in Switzerland and travel around without worrying about being deported. That's always good. :D It's basically my green card - except it's red. And the photo of me is a little... serious. Anyway with it I'll be registered for Social security and be able to open my very own Swiss Bank account (not like I'll be hiding anything).

It's been tough to keep track of what's happening in the states and around the world. I used to listen to NPR and watch the news and Daily Show/Colbert and with the combination feel like I was getting a relatively good view on what's happening. But there is ONE english speaking radio station here and their news segment is about a minute and a half long and hard to follow. Besides, not much news happens in Switzerland. Mostly it's about other countries. And news in French is difficult to say the least. Yesterday I saw a news report being translated into sign language and I thought "damn, if I had learned ASL I'd be fine!" who needs speech anyway?

I'm hoping that this weekend provides some connections and some fun. I could use some fun.... And if all else fails - well, at least I won't have to pretend I can understand them.

Missing Seattle, my friends, family & cat. (Mostly the cat...>_> lol) Hope that you're all doing well & staying safe. And I'll see you in 11 months!

Continuing...

Well things are moving along. I have gone out a few times, but have yet to make any real connections. This weekend was fun in some ways, and boring in others but the main point is that I got out of the house and little on my own. On Saturday I joined Daniel & the kids in some shopping and then we went to the outlet mall where I bought some new pants. *yay* now I have more than 3 pairs! :D

We were going to go to Lausanne but that didn't happen... again. LOL eventually I'll make it there. Solveig got home Saturday evening but will leave again tonight for another business trip. However, she'll be home this weekend and then is supposed to be in town for a while.

On Saturday night I went out to a bar in Nyon and again, while it was really boring to be there alone I did manage to make some conversation with one guy who invited me to sit with him and his 2 friends. So I spent part of the evening with 3 nice, although mostly French speaking men. I got a free beer out of it though! No numbers or facebook addresses though. Which is sort of sad, but hey - the point is I went out right?

Sunday I tried to sleep in and managed somewhat until the kids were just too loud for me to take it. So, I went downstairs and had breakfast with the family and then worked on my very difficult homework. At about 2 we went into Nyon where they had the same flea market that was there my first weekend in town. It's hard to believe it's been a month since I arrived. Last night was my first full moon in Switzerland. It was bright and beautiful and at the same time, a little sad.

In Nyon I met up with a classmate who speaks German, a little English and a little French. We spent the afternoon wandering around trying not to get too wet in the rain and went to a pub and had a coffee. We're planning to go out again soon. She's nice, a little younger than me but European so 19 isn't so different from 21. Age is one thing I have yet to really figure out. Since you can start drinking in bars at 16 it's tough to figure out if that boy sitting at the other end of the bar is 17 or 23 - and while I don't have a problem dating someone younger than me, it'd be nice to know how much younger they are without having to ask.... Oh well.

This coming weekend I am going out of town with the Au Pair club for a movie/sleepover weekend. It should be fun, at least I hope it will be. I mainly hope that I can connect with some people and maybe make friends that I can see outside the meetings. I plan on going tonight to the Au Pair club bible study - we'll see how it is. My religious feelings have been very... different in the last several years and so it will be interesting to see how they take it. It might be too much for me, or it could be the kind of exploration I need... who knows. I'm trying to keep an open mind, because that really is all I have. At some point I might feel like I have more skills and things to offer the world but right now, I feel like a floater, like someone caught in between the normal life she leads and this alternative reality where dreams are translated into languages you can't understand and sadness looms around the corner.

I just need to meet people, and continue meeting people. It's terrible to think but it has become very apparent to me that the only way you can meet strangers here is by smoking cigarettes. I guess it's a good thing I wasn't against it, and my family here doesn't mind if I smoke socially when the kids aren't around, we were talking yesterday and they concur that it really is one of the few ways you can meet/talk with strangers. People are very - clicky here - they stick with their social groups it seems - it's only outside when strangers huddle under the heat lamps with a cigarette that the doors to conversation seem to open. Since I'm not 100% against smoking, and I'm allowed to do so, it has helped that I can go out and start a conversation with my beer and smokes. Not the best attitude, but I can't imagine how much worse it would be if I were trying to make conversation inside a crowded bar where no one talks to anyone other than their group of friends. Ah... C'est la vie.

Anyway, I'm sorry it's been a while since I last reported. I'm busy but not... it's hard to describe. Tomorrow is class, we'll see how it goes - and if I did my homework correctly! And if I go out later this week I'll be sure to let you all know about it.

Love,

Mattie