Je suis plus grande que toi

Translation: I'm bigger than you.

Lately, I've felt a little more like a sister to my boys. A sister/mentor I suppose. Not just their nanny, but I'm a member of the family, at least to them. The two often fight over who is bigger, older, stronger, smarter, tougher, etc. But I always win. :D

This morning, at breakfast, Ben asked me why I was bigger than him. I replied, "because I'm older" to which he replied "no, because you were BORN first." I love 5-year old logic, even if its in French.

I've been in Switzerland nearly 6 months now. It's hard to believe so much time has actually passed. I miss my friends & family back home (and am honored that any of you read this), it's tough to keep everything in perspective when you are constantly changing, growing (or shrinking), smiling, laughing and praying. I certainly have trouble staying focused when life is going by at a million kilometers an hour (yes, I've switched to KM, it's just easier :D) Over the last few weeks I've been with the boys more & less. Somedays I'm with them all day (like my old wednesday schedule during the school year), these days I'm the chauffeur, driving them to/from various summer activities and camps. What remains the same is our mornings together. Every morning, whether they have an activity or not, we have breakfast. It's our time together and usually involves a little discipline, a little laughter, and little fun and a lot of cereal. If I have something to do while they eat, often I say "ok boys, I'll be right back, stay here & eat your breakfast" - it usually works. Although I often return to what appears is the same amount of food in front of them. Along with the breakfast, are our car rides. To/from everywhere, always involving lots of "why" questions. (Pourquoi, Mattie?) How my mother did this 4 times over I will never quite understand. She has got to be one of the most patient people in the universe. And as much as I love the boys, and my French is improving, I'm getting awfully tired of saying "parce que" (because) over and over. I swear that I use that word about 100 times a day. They have their moments, like all kids I suppose, when I want to rip their clothes off and scream at their idiocy but then, I have to pause and remember that if I do that, I'll lose my job. And I do love my job. All in all, it's the best job I could ask for at my age, with my education and life experience. I often think about what I'd be doing if I were still at home... would I still be working for SES? Would I still be living with my roommates? Would I still be sick? Would I go out more on the weekends now that I'm 21? Would I have bought a new car? Would I have more or less debt? Would I have had as much fun and met as many interesting people as I have in the last 6 months? That's what Europe does I think, causes you to wonder a lot of wonderings. Would I have been encouraged to find faith again? That alone has been well worth coming abroad, knowing that I can be the same me, but remembering that I have this "guy" on my shoulder, encouraging everything I do, looking away when he needs to (because let's face it, I'm 21 and I'm bound to do something stupid now & again), forgiving me when I oversleep, helping me open up to new people and situations, accepting that the life I used to lead and the life I now lead can be the same without the drama.

When I tuck the kids into bed on the nights I'm babysitting, I always sing them a song. They dislike it when I read to them in English, but singing seems to be a whole other story. Lately, I've been singing "Jesus Loves Me" to Ben, my 5 year old. He seems completely fascinated by it. I will translate it, line by line, as best I can, but he doesn't mind. He knows it's a song about "Jésus" and that's all he needs. For those who don't know it, for whatever reason, it is one of the most simple songs I know, "Jesus loves me/ This I know/ For the Bible/ Tells me so/ Little ones to him belong/ They are weak but he is strong/ Yes, Jesus Loves me/ Yes, Jesus Loves me/ Yes, Jesus Loves me/ The bible tells me so" Those lines bring a smile to his face while his eyes are closed. The boys aren't religious. Their mother, Solveig was raised in the church, and has the background, and in fact the parents are planning to start Ben & Melchior's religious education and that's exciting for me, I get to read stories to Ben that I learned 15 years ago and sometimes it's like discovering them for the first time. I'm certainly not one to preach, but I will help those who seek, find. Simply by answering questions and showing what I know. With the kids it seems to be a good fit. They always ask me why anyway - now I can simply reply "Parce que Jésus t'aime" (Because Jesus loves you") and they know they're special. I wonder if my parents felt the same peace after telling my brothers and I that for the first time....

It's not all work and religion. Actually there has been quite a lot of play as well. Play with the kids and play with my friends. A little shopping, a little partying, and (as always) a little drinking.... On Saturday night I went to Paléo and had planned to just go to the free "village" area, but as I arrived on the bus with my host family (who had tickets and were going inside) my host dad bought me a ticket! So I spent Saturday night with friends, listening to music and generally just having a blast! It was good fun. I saw the band Freshly Ground from South Africa and loved their music SO much that I bought the CD... It was awesome! :D Some of the most fun I've had since I came to Switzerland. I met some new people and ate some local cuisine and took silly pictures and just had fun!

In a little over 1 week my parents are coming to visit. I am SO excited to show them around, see them again and have adventures with them. I will write something a little more "profound" soon, but for now I have crying kids and a stress level a little higher than normal.

Love you all!

Adventures

So I've been having lots of adventures since coming to Switzerland. Adventures with friends, adventures on my own, adventures in life and in mind. I'm beginning to think that perhaps I am the adventurous type, although I never really thought I was. Recently, its been hitting me every so often that I live in Switzerland. From time to time, perhaps I forget or it just goes into the back of my mind and I neglect to realize that I FREAKING LIVE IN SWITZERLAND. I mean, how cool is that? I'm 21, sure I haven't finished university or really started it for that matter, but I live in Europe, in the heart of the continent where I have the joy of going to the grocery store and seeing every item printed in at least 3 languages. Where I can literally be in 3 countries in a day. Where I can drink a beer on a city sidewalk and NOT receive strange/bizarre looks. Where I can practice a foreign language. Where I can meet people literally from all over this planet. It's incredible. It truly is. Sometimes I think I get distracted by work, by life, by the common issues (money, time, fun, work) that I forget how fortunate I really am. But then every once in a while I stop, or I hear something, or read something, and suddenly it's like a shockwave reminding me that I live in a foreign country. That I am lucky enough to have this opportunity, this adventure.

It is in the moments like these where I am grateful and homesick, happy and sad, excited and depressed. The other day, I was driving in the car, and I'm not sure what it was that I saw, heard or whatever it was but suddenly I had this unstoppable force remind me that I live in Europe. I was ecstatic. And then, shortly after that moment, terribly sad to be so far away. But to be honest, it's really hard to be genuinely sad here. I mean, yes it's difficult to be away from my friends, family. Tough to be missing milestones and events. Hard to say goodbye to people I love and not know exactly when I might see them again, and then... it's not so hard. I am doing something I always wanted to do. Granted, it's not exactly in the format I expected, but it's what I wanted. When that happens, what can you do but be grateful that everything came together for you and you got what you always thought and did in fact want?

So often it seems, people want things and then when they come true suddenly suffer from a form of buyer's remorse. I, in NO WAY feel that. Sure, there are times I "regret" (in the most LOOSE sense of the word) moving to Switzerland, but its not because I am not happy here, quite the contrary. Sometimes I feel, perhaps as I don't deserve this good fortune I've been granted but never is it a desire to go back home early, to change my mind.

Here's the thing, I think that no matter what decisions we make, we'll always have some sort of bipolar reaction to it. We will always miss out on things we longed for and simultaneously gain things we never expected. It is the paradox of the human condition, and most of the time I am grateful for it. I like not knowing everything that lies ahead of me. I enjoy the uncertainty (most of the time) of my life. And while I really dislike having to make decisions without knowing their outcome, it's a gamble I'm willing to play. Because if I didn't take these chances, make the mistakes I make, learn from them and share them with the rest of the world, I wouldn't be so adventurous would I? And then, what on earth would I write about?

In relation to the "events, circumstances & updates" part of what's happening to me here in Switzerland (and I do so hate listing out things I've done, partly because I feel like it could be bragging or something along those lines, but also being to be honest, I've never been one for really, truly keeping a "diary") here are a few of my recent adventures to share with those back home, and those experiencing things with me here.

July has been pretty eventful and its only 1/2 over. I'm not sure how that works exactly, but somehow it happened and it's hard to put everything that's happened into words (let alone remember some of the things that have happened on some pretty intoxicated evenings...) but I'll try:

As I think I wrote previously, I went white water rafting with some friends on the 3rd of July, it was quite a lot of fun, 26km of wet-suit, mountain spring rafting action in France. After I got back that evening, I went out to a lovely Chinese food dinner with my friends Lisa & Steph where we talked, laughed and generally had a good time. The next day, being the fourth of July really didn't mean anything to me, it is a little weird to think about. My host mother (Solveig)'s sister, Celeste was visiting from Boston (where she lives with her husband and nearly 1-year old daughter) and the 3 of them, plus Solveig's mom, and the boys, Daniel and myself had a BBQ lunch and enjoyed the beginning of truly wonderful weather. Afterwards, I went to church and then came home for a long night of sleep. During the weekdays I've been doing less actual kid work (which seems odd, since they're out of school) but the boys have been attending a day-camp of sorts so I'm staying free during the day. It's nice, because it allows me to do things like, update my blog and book trips and talk with friends. I've also begun evening French courses which means I no longer am able to serve dinner or give baths to the kids since I'm in Nyon taking a class (which is too easy for me, but what can I do...) Last Thursday night (a week ago, yesterday) I had to go say goodbye to a very close friend. It was painful, to say the least. All I am sure of is that I will be doing everything in my power to visit Finland before I leave the continent. Then, Friday night (a week ago) I went out to say goodbye to ANOTHER good friend, which was equally hard. I also drank quite a bit and generally had a good time. We ended up at a night club in Nyon and I think I got home around 2am. The next day I had to get up at 10am to take the train to meet some friends in Geneva for a birthday party of my friend Brittany. There were about 10 of us and we rented paddle boats and then had a picnic in the park before watching the Lake Parade (sort of the Geneva form of a Pride parade, but a little more club/dance than just gay pride). After the parade, our 10 had windled down to 6 and those of us remaining took the train to Coppet and then to my house for a late supper. We had sausages and pasta and drank more wine, until our birthday girl decided she wanted to go to the pub. So the 6 of us crawled into a car and drove (we had a designated driver, don't worry) to Nyon to our favorite pub and drank until the midnight "inside" call when we decided to head up the hill to the night club once again. We were there until nearly 2am when we decided it was time to go skinny dipping. Since I live close to the lake, we went back to my house, changed and then walked down to the water, prosecco in hand for a 2am dip. It was a lot of fun. We got back to my house, drank a little more, devoured a carton of coffee ice cream and after the birthday girl passed out on the couch, the remaining 5 of us talked and then went to bed. My little bedroom hosted 4 including myself, and we had one (sober) friend who drove home. I think I finally got to sleep about 4am. And then up at 10! Not enough sleep I assure you. I cleaned the house while my friends took it easy and then I drove them to the train station so they could return to their respective homes. Just so that no one freaks out - my host family was gone, but had given me permission to have friends over and the rule that no one drives home drunk, hence the staying over. Just so we're clear. :D Sunday evening, I went to church again, and just relaxed.

This week has been pretty uneventful, with the exception of Wednesday when I went to my dear friend Steph's house and got to swim in her lovely pool and watch silly TV and play Wii with her and Lisa. What a blast! Tonight, I'll be going to the pub, to meet a friend from my first french class here in Switzerland, and tomorrow I'm planning to see an outdoor photo exhibition in Geneva, followed by seeing Toy Story 3 with some friends. Should be fun.

I apologize for the "and then we did this, and then that and then y'know" format of the latter half of this post.

I am missing everyone back home & hope that all is well with you.

I'd like to send out some love to my friend, Hiromi, who just had a beautiful baby girl, and my friend Reyna who just had a baby boy (almost a month ago!) and my friend Cyndie who is only 1 month away from giving birth to another beautiful baby girl and lastly, my sister-in-law, Laurie who just past the 6 month mark! Can't wait to meet my niece/nephew!

Missing you all! <3

The expat life

Well, one of the things that being an expat does to you is make you get really homesick at certain times throughout the year. At least this is my perspective. Yesterday was my first Fourth of July outside the USA (ok, not my first, I think we spent one in Mexico but I was with my family, so it didn't really count).

I am thankful every day to be living abroad. And I am thankful (most) days to be an American. But being an American living abroad is often difficult. I feel many times I loose my individual American-identity. The great thing about living in the States is that they are all so different. California is NOTHING like Ohio. Vermont is NOTHING like Arizona. Florida is NOTHING like Idaho and Washington is NOTHING like any other state because, let's face it... it's the best one! :D But when I'm abroad I'm simply "American" (or sometimes Canadian depending on the situation) ;-) If I meet a Swiss or other central European person who has visited the States, often times it's been Florida, New York or California. There are occasionally those I meet with a little more adventure or whatnot that has taken them to places like Salt Lake City or Chicago but very few have been to Seattle. Which is fine, it gives me more room to convince them that Seattle IS the best. However the problem is that people then think they know the USA. With the megalopolis they've visited and the blurbs of news from the USA that impacts their local news this is the impression we tend to get it seems. I don't know if that's just me, and certainly doesn't apply to ALL the Swiss and locals I know, many of whom are very well versed in matters of international policy, etc. But when it comes to BEING an American, it's tough. What is it that MAKES me an American? It's certainly not my clothes. Not my diet. Not my taste in music or movies. I feel like it can't be as simple as my passport or driver's license. It can't be my language. So what is it?

A friend of mine here, Jande, is a fellow American. But she wasn't always American. She was born in Liberia and after the civil war broke out there her family claimed asylum in the USA. After something like nearly 10 years she became an American citizen (through all the proper methods and red-tape). Despite Jande not being born American, I sometimes feel she's more American than me. She worked for her citizenship. Took a test that most "native" born Americans couldn't pass. Jande is a true American. She fights for her country because of the rights & freedoms she has been given. She loves that America is truly the land of opportunity: if you want to get a higher education, you can. If you want to be successful (and have the will/drive to do so) you can. She loves that we have true FREEDOM of religion in which the government doesn't take part. She loves that we have such a culture and diversity. And you know what? I do too. Sometimes you need an outsider's perspective.

I know that I am blessed to be an American. And I am even MORE blessed to be living away from America, and still be protected by my beloved country. Of course some times I'm not the most grateful. And certainly 3 years ago I would tell everyone in Europe I am Canadian, but at the same time I would never truly deny my citizenship. It has given me so much. (And yes, there are times I wish I was European, for the simplicity of being here, among other things, but when push comes to shove, I want to go HOME to the US of A and know that my beliefs are accepted, my voice is (usually) heard and my dreams literally CAN come TRUE.

I've been d0ing quite a lot of thinking lately, trying to determine what I'll do when I go home, and when exactly it is I'll be going home. Chances are I will be staying in Switzerland past the 12-month mark of February 2011. But in missing the 4th yesterday (and more importantly my family's annual 3rd of July party) I really got homesick. Honestly, I was never super patriotic, or proud, but being away from it really makes me miss it. I guess I forget how our world just adapts to where we are but we never forget where we came from.

In a little less than 1 month my parents are coming to visit me. I am SO excited, more than you can know. I'm just looking forward to hugs, and fun, showing them where I've been spending the last 6 months of my life and talking. There is just so much to talk about. And yes, Skype is my hero, but honestly it doesn't always work the same as in person. And then after they leave I'll be spending 4 days in Amsterdam (at least that's the plan as of now - I've got to get all my traveling in when I can, you know!) In September I must decide the final departure from my dear Swiss, (which at this moment I'm really thinking I'd like to be the end of June, getting me BACK to the States by our Independence day) Then, 4-5 months later I'll be going home for Christmas. 2.5 lovely weeks in the great USA. And then back here. Until the end. It will be weird to go home, I'm sure but I think a year or a little over that is a good time to discover the world a bit. And let's be honest, it's time I get back home and start my life of "adulthood" (bleh!) Speaking of which, if anyone has any great ideas on where I can go to look for/apply for scholarships (and keep in mind I do no sports, have average grades and a homeschool diploma that'd be SUPER). I'm gonna try anyway to apply to PLU (as a transfer if I have enough credits) and work towards my BA in Communication Arts. Wish me luck! (only a year to go before THAT adventure starts and I'm already having to plan it!)

In OTHER news: last weekend was AMAZING despite the fact I missed out on a lot of home-grown fun. Missing the 3rd of July party was replaced with a 23km white water rafting trip with a couple good friends in France. And then a fabulous Chinese dinner with a couple other friends in Nyon. Then Sunday, I actually saw some other Americans! My host mother's sister (who now lives in Boston) is in Swiss visiting with her husband and 11 month old daughter, Josephine (JoJo) and we had a great lunch outside and then I went to church. Rounded out the weekend by talking to my mom on Skype and discussing our plans for their visit and trying to convince my father that the Swiss DO MAKE good wine (the only reason they don't export it is that the Swiss only make about 30% of the demand they require for consumption so they're still importing like crazy! They just drink too much to EXPORT! And with American Au Pairs like me, can you blame them?) and then I watched Sleeping Beauty. So, it works.

Today is the first day of Summer Vacation for the kiddos. Which doesn't mean too much. They're at an all day Summer camp from 9-5 M-Th and then with me all day Fridays. Meanwhile, I'm registered for an Intensive French course (but the day-time one was cancelled so now it's evenings M-Th from 6-7:40pm). The month of July will be an odd one, with a lot of sitting at home, but it will also be good, hopefully I'll have more time/inspiration to write more and of course reply to emails and letters (hint hint, nudge nudge)

Missing everyone, but so glad to have this opportunity abroad. Can't wait to see everyone when I return and learn about your lives, which seem to be passing quicker than it is here.

xoxoxox

PS - you can check out some of my photos from June by going here. Unfortunately with our full body wetsuits and several dunks in ice-cold water while rafting I have no photos of that adventure to show. And alas, my camera batteries have died (my cheap point & shoot that is) and let's face it, there is no way in Hell I was going to take my DSLR Nikon. LOVE you all!