Luasanne

Well, Lausanne didn't work out so well. I did go, but when I got there I got completely confused and lost. Well, not lost. I didn't get out of the car. Just drove around but I didn't know where I should go to park and where the Olympic museum was so after getting drastically turned around I managed to find the main road that goes between Lausanne & Geneva and I just got back on it and headed for home. I know I should have tried harder, but I really had no idea where I was and where I should be going. I'm not good about exploring on my own, especially when I'm driving a very nice car and not exactly 100% sure of the rules of the road. I mean, most is pretty straight forward but there are some weirdnesses about some of the signage, etc. Anyway, instead of totally giving up and just going home to watch TV or mess around on the computer I did get some culture. I went to the Musée du Léman (http://www.museeduleman.ch/) which was quite interesting, although mostly in French. But it was good none-the-less. And my ticket is good to visit the other two museums in Nyon as well - the Château Musée historique (historial art museum) and the Basilique Musée romain (Roman Museum/architectural museum). And I have a year to visit both with my same entry fee. I wandered along the waterfront in Nyon a bit after the museum and tried to find this pub I've been told by several people I should go to - it's full of English speakers - which, although I shouldn't be thrilled about, it will help me meet people (and not sit around drinking alone like I did last night), however, I still haven't exactly located it. I think it will take me going out on a friday/saturday night and asking someone - "Où est le Fisherman's Pub, s'il vous plaît?" And hope I understand their directions. I know I was close I just couldn't find it and that drives me nuts. I never realized how bad I am at getting around and knowing where to go. I think a lot of it is because everything is so unfamiliar that I easily get turned around/lost but seriously, I don't ever remember being this bad with directions... probably because they're in French. *sigh* soon enough...

Speaking of last night though, it was fun, despite being alone I had a couple good beers, a croque monsieur and managed a 10-minute conversation in Franglais with a stranger. Go me! :D He, too said I should go to the Fisherman's Pub, so I'll take his advice, along with the advice of several others I've read/heard and try to go there.

I made perfect timing though, I just got home a few minutes ago and a storm broke! I'm really glad that I'm not still in Nyon or trying to drive home in this! It's intense. It was grey all day but then suddenly - bam! It's pouring like Seattle in November and the trees are blowing around a bit. I'm glad to be inside where it's dry & warm! :D

So, alas, my day off didn't turn out exactly as planned, but on the bright side I did a fair amount of driving and I'm getting more comfortable with roundabouts and Swiss drivers, and I also did go out on my own, didn't resort to sitting at home alone watching bootleg TV on my computer. So, again I say "go me!" and hope this feeling sticks.

Tomorrow night is the Au Pair club meeting in Nyon, which I am seriously hoping to attend. I would really like to meet some other au pairs and it's at an English speaking church so I know they won't be too crazy... Unless it's a crazy church like we have in the states... (this reminds me of the time I went to a youth group with some family friend in Portland and I scared them all with my liberal attitude and rainbow thigh-high socks...) But hopefully they'll be down-to-earth.

On top of everything else, I'm slightly ill. It might be turning into a sinus infection (green gunk in my nose & all) but it hasn't disabled me and getting to sleep in this morning really did help. I'm drinking a ton of tea these days too, hoping that helps with the whole "mal au gorge" thing (sore throat).

I miss you all & hope to have more positive things to report on soon. And hopefully, if I can get the nerve up and maybe take the train or be driven to Lausanne I'll make it to the Olympic Museum, because it looks really neat and I'd like to go.

One step at a time. Now, I better get my homework done before the kids return this evening and I have class tomorrow.

Love to you all,

Mattie

A link to Photos...

Weekend with Daniel's Family

Love you all!

Please let me know if this doesn't work! :)

Oh, so quiet...

Shh... hold on... I just need to soak in some of this quiet for a minute. The boys have just left and I am for the first time home alone overnight. *sigh* It's amazing. It's 5:30 and I'm not running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Instead I can sit quietly at my laptop and listen to the birds chirping outside and hear the trains in the distance. This is the part of my job that rules. :D

Daniel has taken Ben & Kiki to the mountains to go skiing and I am free to do my thing. It's almost magical. I have some big plans: sleeping in, doing the laundry, catching up on some reading and... I'll probably go out tonight to a pub. Yes, a pub. An Irish pub at that. In Gland, near the place where Kiki (the youngest) goes to school. It's actually in the bottom of the same building. I'm hoping to go and maybe, if I'm lucky meet some strangers and work on my french. :D

Tomorrow, after I sleep in I will have to work on laundry because I have 8 tons of it (in addition to the children's clothes, I also have their sheets to wash AND the laundry from the flat in the mountains which seems to have tripled over the last 24-hours). But after I get some of that done I'm hoping to venture into Lausanne, which is home to the Olympic Museum (really neat video here: http://www.olympic.org/en/content/The-Olympic-Museum/) and maybe practice some more French. We'll see.

Today, I had class - which went alright. It was the last day of the current quarter but it didn't seem like a finish - only that a few classmates will not continue come Thursday. But in terms of understanding I'm doing alright. I can write things relatively well, and read them alright but as I've said many many times before I truly believe my vocabulary is the probably. Part of it also seems to be that I have this grand desire to be able to communicate my exact feelings, thoughts and wishes in French, and much of the time those words come from the years of reading thesauruses and thinking about words that make me sound more... interesting. I mean, I started using the word plethora when I was 11... And that's a great example of a word I'd love to know/remember in French. Part of it, is that when I read a passage, I can pick out the words I struggle with and put them aside for later. I can't however do that when I'm in conversation. I'm sure there are some people who would be fine saying "oh, hold on a minute I need to look up what that means" but I'm one of those people who will either just say I don't know/don't understand or pretend I do and pray I remember it later. Then there's the spelling issue. Things are NOT spelled how they sound in French (something as an English speaker I am familiar with) but take the words fille and file - the first is pronounced "fee" the second "feel." the first means girl/daughter the second means line. One L and you've completely screwed up your sentence. And there are other weird instances such as that. I remarked to a classmate while walking out today that you think you know something, and then they throw in a new rule or change the meaning and you sit there going "quoi?" I know English isn't easy but I think that maybe it's the way I'm learning French that makes it, too, seem radically difficult. I wish I could go back in time and make my parents send me to a bilingual preschool. That's when we're supposed to learn a second language... when we learn the first!

But it's not all bad... at least I'm getting somewhere. I can write simple phrases in French, I just can't read, understand or speak it... C'est la vie. After class today I had a coffee with two of the girls in my class... we talked a little about our various struggles with adjusting to a new place and they gave me a few tips on getting adjusted. (Their main point was to actually go out... who'd of guessed! lol) But we all sympathized over the fact that its difficult to meet people, especially locals because as a foreigner you always feel on the outside of things. I often feel like a voyeur (as in observer not pervert) but hey guess what? That word derives from the FRENCH word voir meaning "to see" Ha! I can't escape it.

We'll see how venturing on my own tonight and tomorrow goes... maybe I'll wake up and magically be bilingual.

Photo blog coming next... Take care & know I'm thinking about all of you.

OH! And if you're in the Seattle area - you should go see Control Keys (Scot & Kyle's newest band) playing their first show tonight, Tuesday 23rd at the Funhouse in Seattle. It'll be a blast & I wish I could be there.

Love,

Swiss Miss Matticus

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

It's absolutely gorgeous right now & I'm trying to soak in a little sun before the madness continues. This weekend I went with Daniel and the kids to visit his parents. They live about an hour away near the Juga mountains. It was interesting to say the least. They don't speak english and they also don't speak only in French. It was a combination of French & German - which made it even harder for me to understand anything. It was nice though. We drove through the town of Fribourg which is really old. Built before the foundation of Switzerland (it was built in 1100-something). Most of it still intact, too. It was stunning. We went to visit the boy's great-grandmother who lives in assisted living in Fribourg. She's 90, and still walking, talking, knitting and smiling. It was nice to see the boys with their grandparents & great-grandma. It reminded me of trips to visit my GG when I was younger. Ben is out of school this week so I'm working a lot more than normal. And Solveig is in Brazil so it's just Daniel & I and the kids. They still aren't listening to me very well. And it gets worse when I don't understand what they're saying or they don't understand what I'm saying. (I'll post pictures soon)

I got pretty upset last night, frustrated that I haven't adjusted and done much. I really wish I knew what to do, where to go, etc. I've done a ton of babysitting, been a nanny and all, but there is something tremendously different when you live with them. There is no leaving. Even though I'm supposed to be free in the evenings I don't feel free because I'm at the house. Always busy always on duty to some degree or another. It's hard to catch my breath. I was going to go out for coffee with a classmate tomorrow after class but I'll have Ben with me so it will prove interesting. I don't know if it will work. I can only hope he behaves long enough for me to at least find out where to go on a Friday night. It's sort of ridiculous - I am so alone and scared to go out on my own. Even if I do go out, I have no idea how I would get around. I really feel lost. This Thursday there is supposed to be an Au Pair club meeting that I would like to go to but I don't know if I will be able to because Daniel had mentioned something about going out with a coworker. I've tried to contact the church where the meeting is held but there is no answer :( I really want to go though, I need to meet some other people in a similar situation. I feel its my only chance at any type of happiness.

I feel frustrated that I can't move forward. I feel stuck in this limbo of understanding and content. I want more, I want to explore and experience the world, but I have no ability to do so, either because of my own fears or because of my job. I like it here, don't get me wrong, but I just don't know what to do with it. I'm doing the same things I did in the states and not feeling any better about it. I wish I knew what to do....

I promise to write another time when I am feeling a little more positive and less distracted by children not listening to me (what 4 year old boy doesn't want to play outside on a beautiful day? Explain this please....)

Love to all of you.

Well... Merde.

Things are going well. For the most part. I am going to classes twice a week and understanding most of what is being taught, but it hasn't really improved my ability to communicate with the outside world. I am starting to feel more and more comfortable here, but really haven't broken out of my shell.

I did make plans to go out for a coffee with one of my classmates next week, but then discovered today that I will have Ben with me on Tuesday because he's on school break. *joy* I guess I won't be having the quality time I was hoping for. However, next Thursday evening is an Au Pair club meeting that I am hoping to go to in Nyon. We'll see if it works out, but it's really important for me to meet people since I'm not yet.

The Merde part of this post happened yesterday: as I was pulling into the driveway with 3 children in the backseat (I watch one of Ben's friends after school somedays) I popped the rear driver's side tire. I felt completely retarded. (And if Sarah Palin wants to take offense at that remark, let her!) :-P

I sent a SMS to Solveig right away, and she was very understanding. I just feel really dumb, of course it could have happened to anyone, but it happened to me and since I've been here less than a month I just feel... dumb. It will be fine, I know that, but until then... who knows. Daniel's been gone for 2 days and gets back tonight, so we'll see how he reacts to it. I don't think it'll be the end of the world, but I'm certainly not feeling like I'm on top of my game.

Solveig leaves tonight for Brazil for a week and so I'll have a little more interaction with the kids next week, since I'll be the female representative and the second adult around (likely more driving, possibly more cooking and I have a feeling a little more tucking in, etc.) I don't mind it, that's certain.

Solveig did give me a complement last night (despite the tire incident) and she said that she's really happy with her choice, really glad they found me and she knows that things will be OK while she's gone. That made me feel slightly less of a failure. :-\

This weekend we're going to visit Daniel's parents in the German speaking region and then go to their flat in the mountains on Sunday, so it will be a full weekend and I'm not sure exactly what to expect. It's still a lot to take in. That and his parents don't speak English and only speak some French, which will prove interesting to say the least. I could stay home, but it seems better that I go, meet them and actually have something to do while here.

Right now I'm in a house full of French-speaking men. Two are here to clean (and they come twice weekly) and the other two are here installing a shower door in Ben's bathroom. Full house - unfortunately, or maybe fortunately I don't understand a word. LOL. It's really weird adjusting to this life - I really just feel spacey.

The boys seem to like me, and they're having fun, which I think is reinforcing Solveig's happiness. And last night I brought her her dinner because she was working getting ready for the trip and she was very satisfied at my help. I try, it's just my self-esteem often gets the better of me.

It turns out that I will likely be here until the 15th of February next year, so that the replacement for me, whoever that might be has some time to work side-by-side. I don't know if that means I won't be allowed to extend my stay, but I also don't know if I'll want to.

I was talking with my mom the other night and she said that she met someone whose daughter just returned from a year as an Au Pair in Switzerland engaged to a Swiss man - who knows!?! Maybe that'll be my story too, although I'm not planning on it, and it's usually important to meet people before considering a relationship... lol

I don't have any new photos today, but hope to take some this weekend. I'm holding out that maybe photography will be my calling... But then again, that's really just a hope. There is so much I'm missing in the States, it's sometimes hard justifying being here. I mean the experience is great, but being away from family & friends in such tough times is pulling at my heart. I don't know what to do. There is so much change and heartache and sacrifice and, as I've said before, time seems almost at a standstill here. I mean time is passing but at a rate completely unknown to me. The days just pass, and then poof, one week, two weeks, I know soon two months will have passed and I wonder if I will feel any differently. I wonder if I'll be happy with my choices. It's a lot to decide upon. A lot to ponder.

When I started this blog, I wrote the tagline as being "an American discovering herself in Switzerland" but I wonder if I really will discover myself. Maybe this is just extending a lack of change, perhaps I'll remain the person I was, which wouldn't be bad, but it wouldn't be what I set out for. Maybe my goal was too high. I don't know. It's been 20 days. Hard to give much assessment in such a short timeframe but it's how I feel. I've got a long weekend and long week ahead of me. We'll see where it all goes.

Thinking of home on this wet, gray, & rainy day. Love to each and everyone of you.