New Year's 2009 (going into 2009 that is), Space Needle, Seattle
It almost seems right that I came back at the end of the physical calendar year. It's like getting to do all the year-end, chapter-end cycle with meaning which so often isn't the case. Come to think of it, how often does the December 31-January 1st "year-end" really effect people? I mean these days it isn't so much a year-end since there are so many ends to pay attention to.
Think about it: Winter isn't over, so it isn't a "seasonal year-end," the school year isn't over so it isn't a "school year-end," most businesses' fiscal years are different so it isn't always a "fiscal year-end." We don't elect new officials (and many of the new ones aren't in office until February), we don't pay our taxes until April and in a month's time we'll be celebrating New Years Asian style. So other than the time when we switch from seeing 2010 to 2011 written on our bank statements (which, let's face it, most of us won't even see and if we do it will be a month from now) and have to buy a new wall/desk calendar (again, though - let's face it... who actually buys one of those anymore? I'll be lucky if I don't receive one from a plumbing company to not use) the end of one "calendar year" really doesn't mean that much. Especially since we're in an "off" year - 2012 isn't starting until next new year's and we aren't facing any other form of international crisis/emergency of total destruction that has plagued about half of all past new years' eves in the last 13 years. So why is it that we care so much about December 31st/January 1st? Why do people freak out and start analyzing their life? Why do we make resolutions to last us through the end of January - if we're lucky. Why do we feel it's the time of year to say thanks, forgive, move on? Why do we have to conclude things by midnight Dec. 31 if we don't want it to carry over into the new year with us? Like we're all some character in Cinderella, who must return home by midnight so the spell of 2010 (or whatever the previous year) doesn't "plague" us into the next. What happens if we have unfinished business? Well I'd like to ask why don't we look at every night that way? Why let anything carry over with us? And if we are only supposed to do so once a year, why this night? However, it's almost as if we get the December 31st/January 1st new year's so we can do all the fun new years' stuff and all the closure and all the emotional parts so that all the other year-ends' don't get impacted by this one night of international recognition and pizazz.
And so following with tradition, I have fallen into the crowd and been "reflecting" on 2010: it's joys and triumphs; it's heartbreaks and headaches; it's smiles and frowns; it's friendships and sufferings; it's adventures and it's familiarities. It only seems right that I started and ended this year in the same place. Not the same mental, emotional or exact physical space but in the same place on a map. I started 2010 in Stanwood, WA and I will (for all intents are purposes be ending it here, in Stanwood, WA). And somehow I need to figure out how I went half-way around the world, visited 6 countries, met amazing people, improved my french and ate my weight in dairy in between then and now.
I know how it was done, I mean physically but how I ended up in the same place and within my head have discovered new things, learned new things about myself and others, grew-up a bit more. I went back but I am not all the same. Enough of me is, thankfully, but I am not the same person I was a year ago. I suppose most people could say that. That they were not the same person they were 364 days ago. Whether it's physically, emotionally, spiritually, artistically, mentally. Almost everyone has had "something" change in their life within the last 365 days. But somehow it seems, it feels different, for me. I know that sounds totally narcissistic, but honestly, a year abroad is different. And I think that, at least in my case because it brought about many changes in me. It wasn't one or two changes it was nearly countless. And a change in nearly every category listed above. And I don't want to say that I don't see how others' have changed, how they've grown over the last year, but perhaps this is all because I spent a year away, so the changes I would have seen more spread out over the last 12 months is all being bundled up into a few weeks, making all the changes, my own and others' stand out more. I'm being continuously surprised by everything around me. It's a new familiarity. A strange experience with the past. An alternate known. Everything is similar, not completely unknown, but yet, so much is different. The places around me, the smells, the tastes, the sights. None of it is new to me, yet most of it seems unusual, slightly unfamiliar and only just understood. The people, animals, sounds, ideas are all similar and the same to what I remember. Except with the babies who just sort of came out of nowhere over the last 12 months. I keep surprising myself with knowing where to find a kitchen utensil or where a particular light switch is located or how to work the coffee maker. As if I had assumed I had forgotten. I'm pleased to be back but everything is still a little weird. Part of me really does feel the changes of 2010 and part of me feels like I'm just back, like it was yesterday I was packing my bags rather than unpacking them.
I am incredibly grateful for 2010. It brought me great joy and challenges. I experienced so much. I learned so much. I saw so much. I just hope that everything I did over there to become this new old me that I love and missed like crazy will continue to thrive here, now as I attempt to make 2011 a new year of my life, adventures and dreams.
So this is the final post for Swiss Miss Matticus, unless someday she finds herself back in the land of chocolate and cheese, writing again about missing home, but never wanting to leave.
Please keep in touch, and visit my new blog when you have chance.
Gruyères, Switzerland - September 2010 (photo credit: Scot Porter)
Probably one of my favorite photos of my year abroad
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